Drunkards

I do believe
On New Year's Eve
Some people drink too much
These people all
Are drunkards
And should be described as such

If they drink lots
Then they are sots
And should be so declared
And when they tipple
'Til their knees ripple
You must say they're impaired

Or inebriated
Or intoxicated
Or blotto or besotted
They drink so much
That they're out of touch
Their brains are nearly rotted

So if you imbibe
I will describe
You as one with dipsomania
Don't go out driving
While you're drunk
Or the police will detain ya

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Christmas Carol Words

The words in Christmas carols
Are sometimes quite archaic
Here's a song that explains those words
In terms much more prosaic

On Christmas we will sing
Of good tidings that we bring
Those good tidings we convey
Are good news on Christmas Day

In another Christmas carol
We say we'll don our gay apparel
That means we'll wear happy clothes
From our heads down to our toes

In another song we say
"Let nothing you dismay"
That means "Do not get upset
Christmas is no time to fret!"

The three shepherds did dispense
Lovely myrrh and frankincense
Both are aromatic resins
And they're quite valuable presents!

Wassail is a spicy drink
That can make the glasses clink
Wassailing is what folks do
When they've had too much spicy brew

The words in Christmas carols
Are sometimes quite archaic
This song explained some of those words
In terms much more prosaic

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Judaism 101

A Jew believes there's just one God
No other God exists
Like all others who believe in one God
A Jew is a monotheist

Some Jews like to dance the jig
Others dance the hora
But all believe in the first five books
Of the Bible, which they call the Torah

God gave Moses all the laws
Those laws are called Mosaic
When Jews obey Mosaic law
Their behavior is Judaic

A practicing Jew will not eat pork
If you offer, he'll say "No, sir!"
He won't eat shellfish or mix milk with meat
For those things are not kosher

Rabbi Hillel said "What is hateful to you
Do not do unto others."
That is the whole message of the Jewish faith
Those who follow it live as brothers

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Extremely Mean Woman Blues

My girl is foul-tempered
She’ll yell and she’ll grunt
That mean, mean woman
Is a termagant
Oh yeah, she’s a termagant

Yeah she’ll boss me around
Tells me just what to do
Even Shakespeare could not have tamed
That mean old shrew
Oh yeah, she’s a shrew

She bossed me around in Dallas
Bossed me 'round in Chicago
Bossed me up in New York
That girl’s a virago
Oh yeah, a bossy virago

And she nags and she nags
Criticizes me sharply
Like an ancient Greek monster
That girl’s a harpy
Oh yeah, she’s a harpy

No, she’s not good looking
She’s just skin and bone
And she’s old as the hills
That girl’s a crone
Mmm, an ugly old crone

You might be wondering
Why I just don’t leave her
Well the truth of the matter is
I’m no prize either
Yeah, I’m no prize

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Monsters Everywhere

There are monsters everywhere
Wonder who they’re going to scare?

A sea monster big enough to swallow a man
Is sometimes called a leviathan

She can’t really know who will die next, can she?
Of course she can, that monster’s a banshee

Sucking the blood from an animal is so macabre
But that’s what is done by a chupacabra

A tiny ugly monster who makes his home
Beneath the earth’s surface is called a gnome

Scorpion’s tail, lion’s torso
Head of a man, that’s a manticore

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

So

There are monsters everywhere
Wonder who they’re going to scare?

I'll Soon be Sleeping

Over the fence
The sheep are leaping
Soon I’ll be sleeping
Yes I’ll be sleeping

I’m half asleep
My head it bows
I’m starting to drowse
Yes I'm starting to drowse

Soon I’ll be snoring
I'll be sawing lumber
I’m going to slumber
Yes I'm going to slumber

Lying so comfy
In my bed clothes
I’m in repose
And I'm starting to doze

My consciousness
I soon will lose
I’ll start to snooze
Yes I'm starting to snooze

So tired I can’t move
My head’s a drooper
I’m in a stupor
Yes I'm in a stupor, I'm so tired!

Over the fence
The sheep are leaping
Soon I’ll be sleeping
Yes I’ll be sleeping

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

A Face By Any Other Name

A face by any other name
Still looks the same
Still I’m gonna declaim
Some words that mean ‘face’

Right on top of my neck that’s where my noggin be
If you want a fancier word you can’t go wrong with physiognomy

A visual is something you see and my visage is what you see
When you’re looking at me

Do you know Mt. Rushmore? Do you know where that mountain is?
Can you name each of its four countenances?

If you’re hanging out with a hood or a thug
You might hear a face called a puss or a mug

A face by any other name
Still looks the same
Still I’m gonna declaim
Some words that mean ‘face’

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Ubiquitous

Things you find everywhere
On the ground and in the air
Things you find everywhere

They are widespread, inescapable, prevalent and rife
You’ll see they are ubiquitous as you live your life
They’re omnipresent, universal, and pervasive
You can’t avoid these things even if you are evasive
They are everywhere, they are everywhere

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Agros Means Field in Greek

Agros means “field” in Greek
Ager is the word you’d use if Latin’s what you speak

The science of growing food out in a field
Is called agriculture, it can increase your yield

Crop and soil science dates back to Deuteronomy
Today we call that science the field of agronomy

You’ll live out on a farm if a farmer you are marryin’
The life that you’ll be living is described as agrarian

To sell what grows in a field like corn and peas and such
You ought to study agribusiness, it’s why we have so much

Change the G to C in ager and you get acre
Nearly 5,000 square yards, mowing that’s a back breaker

Agros means “field” in Greek
Ager is the word you’d use if Latin’s what you speak

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Too Many Words

You're using too many words

The words you use are too abundant
You repeat yourself, you are redundant
When you start to speak we get an overdose
Of the words that you are speaking because you are verbose

You talk so long we get distracted
Do your speeches have to be protracted?
When we complain you say that it's unfair of us
But you just will not stop talking, you're so garrulous

For your diarrhea of the mouth there is no fix
You just go on and on, you are prolix
What we're trying to say in case you haven't heard
Is that you are just using way too many words

You're using too many words

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Somebody is Looking For Me

Somebody is looking for me
It’s somebody I would rather not see
He’s looking for me ‘coz I owe him money
I don’t have it, and it’s not funny

I’m being chased by a angry dude
That’s a fellow that I want to elude

He’s looking for me ‘coz he wants to get paid
I’m using every trick I know that meeting to evade

This fellow is pretty annoyed
That’s why this fellow I’m trying to avoid

If our meeting I cannot avert
I’m afraid that someone will get hurt (maybe me!)

I’m hiding in the attic over my garage
Because this fellow I am trying to dodge

I get my allowance in just one day
Then I can pay him back and I'll no longer say

Somebody is looking for me
It’s somebody I would rather not see
He’s looking for me ‘coz I owe him money
I don’t have it, and it’s not funny

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Somebody is Looking For Me,” you might also like Cat Stevens.

Sullen Sallow Callous Callow

Sullen, sallow, callous, callow
Sullen, sallow, callous, callow

If you sulk all the time
As though sad thoughts you are mullin’
You’re sullen

If you look unhealthy
If your skin’s a sickly yellow
You’re sallow

If you’re cruel and insensitive
And act with malice
You’re callous

If you’re a young and naïve
And inexperienced fellow
You’re callow

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Geography Terms

Geography terms, geography terms

A chain of islands is called an archipelago
I’d like to go there on vacation, that’s a place that’s swell to go

A narrow waterway between two cliffs is called a fjord
You can visit one in Norway if the fare you can afford

A narrow stretch of land between two seas is called an isthmus
That’s what we call it all year long, not only just on Christmas

At the mouth of a river is a flat expanse of silt
We call that place a delta and it is by nature built

An isolated hill with a flat top and steep sides
Is called a butte by the astute and by all others else besides

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Everything in Moderation

Everything in moderation
Just as Aristotle said
Too much of a good thing
Makes a good thing bad instead

Sweet is good but too sweet is annoying
Someone who’s just too sweet is cloying

A compliment every now and then can be romantic
But pay too many compliments and you’re sycophantic

If you listen more than talk there’s a lot you can learn
But if you hardly ever talk, you’re taciturn

Call me names if you want but no stones, no sticks
If I use too many words, you can call me prolix

Everything in moderation
Just as Aristotle said
Too much of a good thing
Makes a good thing bad instead

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

I'm Tired

I’m tired!

Once I had energy
But I lost it
I’m exhausted

If I were near my bed
I’d just fall in
I’m all in

My head
Is sagging
I’m flagging

My shoulders slump
And my eyes are bleary
I’m weary

I’d like to kiss you
But my lips won’t pucker out
I’m too tuckered out

I’m too tired
To even eat a pierogi
I’m logy
(And I love pierogies!)

I’m tired!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Honest I Do

I love you
Honest I do

When I tell you that you are my dear
Don't you know that I am so sincere

You can rely upon my veracity
For honesty I have an endless capacity

My declaration of love is guileless
I dont even know what a lie is

I'd never cheat on you, I wouldn't philander
When I say I love you only I say it with candor

I love you
Honest I do

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Honest I Do,” you might also like girl group music.

Confused

First I’m sure that she loves me
Then her love I’m sure I’m losing
Love is so confusing

She said that she hated me
And then we cuddled
Am I confused?
Yes, I’m befuddled

She wrote “I love you, you idiot”
In her latest text
Am I confused?
Yes, I’m perplexed

She says she loves ice cream
But she hates custard
Am I confused?
Yes, I’m flustered

She says “No you shouldn’t”
Then she says, “Yes, you must”
Am I confused?
Yes, I’m nonplussed

Because first I’m sure that she loves me
Then her love I’m sure I’m losing
Love is so confusing

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Dios is Spanish for God

Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God

The one who created the oceans
And the lands from sea to sea
Call Him God or Allah or Krishna
By any name He is the deity

When a Spaniard says “Vaya con Dios”
He’s hoping God will watch over you
When a Frenchman wants to say “I’ll see you in heaven”
That’s when he says adieu

You know, it isn’t easy to be made a god
It’s hard to be deified
It’s even harder to kill a god
That's a thing that we call deicide

Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Dios is Spanish for God,” you might also like the Buena Vista Social Club.

New Year

2010 is on its way
Its onset I am sensing
2009 is past and gone
2010's commencing

The New Year starts just when it will
Its arrival you can't hasten
It starts at midnight, January First
That is when the New Year is nascent

A friend sent me a New Years card
That made me the card's recipient
The card read, Hope you have
A happy year that is now incipient (just starting!)

2010 has just begun
The future, you just can't know it
The year is only starting right now
The year is still inchoate

Do you know what Auld Lang Syne means?
Not that many people know
Auld Lang Syne is a Scottish phrase
It means a long, long time ago

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

The Nativity

Baby Jesus was born far away from home
In the stable of a stranger
He slept in the box that the animals ate from
A box that’s called a manger
We call that box a manger

An angel flew to some nearby shepherds
With a message he was sent
To announce the arrival of the son of the Lord
That what we call the Advent
His arrival’s called the Advent

The shepherds were happy as they could be
They were filled with elation
They went to the stable to praise the child
That’s called the adoration
It’s called the adoration

Christians believe that on that day
God’s word was made flesh
Some build models of that holy scene
That model’s called a crèche
A nativity or a crèche

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Yiddish Words in English

Yiddish once was spoken by European Jews
Here are some Yiddish words that English speakers use

A waiter who spills soup on someone's lap is a schlemiel
A schlemazel is the guy who gets the worse end of that deal
With a lap full of hot soup it's no wonder that he squeals
Oy vey! I'm such an unlucky guy!

A fellow in a sauna most certainly is shvitzing
If he's chatting with somebody you can say they are kibitzing
Occasionally the rocks with water they are shpritzing
Otherwise the air would get too dry

A person who complains so much that it could make you retch
Is a kvetch!
A thing that isn't even worth as much as one flyspeck
Is drek!

These are Yiddish words that English speakers use

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Pig Out

I’m gonna pig out!
I’m gonna pig out!
It’s Thanksgiving and I can’t wait to pig out!

On this food I’m going to glut
Soon I’ll have a bulging gut
I’ll open my belt to make more room
So more food I can consume
This cranberry sauce is not too sour
A large bowl I will devour

I’m gonna pig out!
I’m gonna pig out!
I’m gonna pig out!

Too much food I just did eat
Now my belly is replete
I have had more than enough
And my stomach’s overstuffed
I wish I had shown restraint
I’m afraid I’m going to faint

I wish I hadn’t pigged out!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

The Utopian

He's dreaming of a better world

For a perfect society he is hopin'
His dreams are truly utopian
Some would say that he is idiotic
That his dreams are impossible
And he is quixotic

He'll concede that he is not realistic
That his dreams are perhaps idealistic
But even if they're unattainable in this place or era
That doesn't mean the dream he dreams
Is merely a chimera

He points out that your dream cannot come true
Unless you have a dream to pursue
And that the world might be a better place
If everyone else had his own dream too

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Fancy Graves

The rich man built a big stone building
Where folks could come to see him
After he was dead and gone
It’s called a mausoleum

I started down a dark church stairway
And on one step I tripped
I landed in a place that was full of tombs
A room that’s called a crypt

In my hands are the ashes of a cremated king
Where do you think I should carry ‘em?
Let’s put those ashes in a fancy urn
And take ‘em to the columbarium

If all you leave behind is bones
That doesn’t have to be scary
You can put them in a hallowed place
That’s called an ossuary

If you want to spend eternity in a fancy grave
There’s no need to be a sulker
Just save your money your whole life through
And buy your own sepulcher

No, you don’t have to wind up in the cramped cold ground
When your time has drawn to a close
The world is full of fancy places
Where you can decompose

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

SUB Means Beneath or Below

Sub means beneath or below

Mare means the sea
That's what mare means
Ships that go beneath the water
Are called submarines

In the city of New York
All the night and all the day
Trains run beneath the ground
That's called the subway

A bully knocks you down
Man, that bully is rude
You lie still beneath his boot
You have been subdued

The water level rises
With the coming of high tide
After that it lowers
The water does subside

Just below the Arctic Circle
You'll find the subarctic region
If you go there, please dress warmly
Because it usually is freezing

Sub means beneath or below

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

I Want to Eat!!!

I want a meal and I want it fast
I'm looking for a quick repast
It doesn't have to be incredible
I'll eat anything that's edible
You can call them victuals or call them vittles
Just pile them on my plate, don't give me just a little
I want to eat!

If you want to make me say "Oh gosh!"
All you've got to do is give me a nosh
Give me something that's digestible
That's what I like to call comestibles
You know, I don't need any encouragement
To chow down a load of nourishment
I want to eat!
I want to eat!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

My Many Moods

When I think about the past and get sad
I'm wistful
And when I'm glad, indescribably glad
I'm blissful

And when I'm liable to do anything
I'm capricious
When I feel the need to own lots of jewels and rings
I'm avaricious

These are my many moods

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

H O M Spells Man

The Spanish say hombre
The French say homme
H O M spells man
No matter where you're from
No matter where you're from

If you kill a man
In a courtroom you'll be tried
The crime you will be charged with
Is homicide

Chimps and gorillas
Have human-like features
We call them hominids
They're human-like creatures

A man who stays cheerful
In a lousy economy
Is a good-natured fellow
A model of bonhomie

Did I ever tell you
About my Uncle Gus?
He's only four foot six
He's a homunculus

The Spanish say hombre
The French say homme
H O M spells man
No matter where you're from
No matter where you're from

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Animal Kingdom

If an animal gives milk
Like a cow or a camel
It's a mammal

All the worms in the Earth
And all of their kids
Are annelids

Creatures with external skeletons
And segmented bods
Are arthropods (like a crab or an insect)

Single-celled, microscopic
Creatures, you ought to know-a
Are protozoa (like amoebas and flagellates)

Mammals that live in the water
Needn't fear dehydration
They're cetaceans (like a whale or a dolphin)

They're all part of the animal kingdom

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Bird Words

A man whose wife nags him all day is henpecked
A man with a burden he can't shake has an albatross around his neck
And I think you should know
A person who admits a big mistake has got to eat crow
These are bird words!

Somebody with a big advantage is sitting in the catbird seat
A person who tattles on his friends is a stool pigeon, that person's indiscreet
And if you are a sitting duck
You're a defenseless target, if you're attacked you are out of luck
These are bird words!

Bird Words!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Declaration of Independence

The Declaration of Independence says:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident"
That means they're clear for all to see
"that all men are created equal, endowed by their Creator"
That means God gave them that equality for free
"with certain unalienable rights"
Which means they can't be taken away
"among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness"
That's what the Declaration of Independence does say!

And that's not all it says. It continues

"To secure these rights, Governments are instituted"
A fancy way of saying that they are begun
"deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed"
Their power's based on the agreement of everyone
"And when they become destructive of these ends, "
When the government fails its citizens
"it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it"
The people can just get together and demolish it

That's what the Declaration of Independence says!

Now think for a moment about what this means
It means you're not beholden to kings or queens
When it's time to choose a government, you get your say
Because the people have the power in the USA

Thanks to the Declaration of Independence!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Hemi, Semi, and Demi

Hemi, semi, and demi
Three prefixes that all mean "half"
Do we really need three? If you ask me
It's a halfway interesting mystery

A hemisphere is half a sphere
Think of half the globe
A semicircle is half a circle
Like the bottom half of your earlobe

Semiformal means "kind of formal"
You can dress to half the nines
A demigod is a lesser god
One parent is human and one divine

Semiannual means every six months
Six months is half a year
A demitasse is a half a cup
When you only need half as much liquid cheer

Hemi, semi, and demi
Three prefixes that all mean "half"
Do we really need three? Don't ask me!
All I'm going to do is shrug and laugh

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

You're So Immature

You're so immature
You're so silly and naive
Here are words that say how sure
I am that you're immature

Hallo!
You're callow
You're young and lack experience
Your smile
Is juvenile
You laugh at things that make no sense
(because you're such a baby)

I must croon
You're jejune
Like a little child you have no clue
I'm sure you'll
Be puerile
'Til long after this song is through

You're so immature
You're so silly and naive
I've sung some words that say how sure
I am that you're immature

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

P E D Spells Foot

Put your foot on the pedal and go
PED spells "foot" in Latin don't you know

An animal with four feet is a quadruped
That's four feet that can carry it up on ahead
A quadruped

Someone who takes a walk is a pedestrian
He uses his feet to move along the best he can
A pedestrian

Someone who can't move forward is impeded
Like a man whose feet are shackled, he's defeated
Impeded

A statue's feet stand firmly on a pedestal
That's the truth, I don't care if your friend said it's bull
A pedestal

Put your foot on the pedal and go
PED spells "foot" in Latin don't you know

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

It's Hot!

It's hot!
It's hot!

When the heat is excessive
It's oppressive

It's hot!

When it's so hot you feel horrid
It's torrid

It's hot!

When the heat could melt your ring
It's sweltering

It's hot!

When you wish you could just be disappearing
It's searing

It's hot!

When the heat's way more than trifling
It's stifling

It's hot!
It's hot!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Evil Everywhere

There is evil everywhere
There's no use to deny it
This song can't make it go away
But it can help you describe it

If you have no morals you are certainly depraved
You'd likely do most anything, your soul cannot be saved

Corrupt implies an evil you acquired from another
As in "He was a nice boy 'til he was corrupted by his brother!"

If your actions are so wicked that they pain us
The things you do can surely be described as heinous

I know this fellow who is strange, with a sheep he flirted
There's no doubt about it, that fellow is perverted

If you're like a devil, if some day in Hell you'll frolic
People might say accurately you're diabolic

There is evil everywhere
There's no use to deny it
This song can't make it go away
But it can help you describe it

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Lots of Laughs

There are many different types of laughter
If I sing them to you now you might remember them after

You bite into some food that is really bitter
Your friend sees your face and he starts to titter

You notice that your teacher is a big nose picker
You know you shouldn't laugh but you start to snicker

A laugh that sounds like a bird is called a cackle
If it's loud enough, it will raise your hackles

The funniest thing that you ever saw
Is likely to cause you to guffaw

When you laugh real loud, that's called a chortle
We need to learn to laugh because we're mortal

There are many different types of laughter
If I sing them to you now you might remember them after

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

War and Peace

P A C and B E L
Are the Latin roots for peace and war
You can have one but you can't have both
Because when it comes to peace and war
It's a case of either/or

(We want P A C--PEACE)

Magellan sailed across an ocean
That was so peaceful he thought it was terrific
The ocean didn't have a name
So he called it the Pacific

I have a friend who will not fight
Fighting is a thing he does resist
He believes peace is the answer
He is called a pacifist

If you've got a shrieking baby
If that baby is a crier
You can calm him down and get some peace
By giving him a pacifier

(Give us B E L--WAR!)

I know something 'bout the Civil War
Do you think that I should tell 'em? [YEAH!]
The years before the Civil War
Are sometimes called the antebellum

A war against the government
Usually does not go well
Those who fight the government
Are called rebels, they rebel

Nations that fight one another
Can be called belligerents
They fight for peace but wind up dead
Or injured as a consequence
In this way, war does not make sense

P A C and B E L
Are the Latin roots for peace and war
You can have one but you can't have both
Because when it comes to peace and war
It's a case of either/or

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

In Other Words

My best friend is throwing a party
I can hardly wait for it to commence
I'm anticipating all the fun well have
Im thinking it will be immense

In other words it'll be great fun
I want the party to start and the waiting to be done

There's going to be some entertainment
Yeah, there's going to be refreshments there
We might get a little unruly
When the stereo starts to blare

In other words, well play our music loud
Well eat and drink and play games and be a wild crowd

Were going to have a party! Were going to have a party!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Disconsolate

I am disconsolate
I cannot be consoled
I have a sadness
That cannot be controlled

I am demoralized
My confidence is shaken
I could not be lonelier
I feel so forsaken

And I appreciate your trying to enliven me
But I dont want to be cheered up, cant you see

That I'm disconsolate
I can't be consoled
I have a sadness
That cannot be controlled

I am demoralized
My confidence is shaken
I could not be lonelier
I feel so forsaken

So leave me alone!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Theatre

We're going to the theatre
To the theatre we will go
Here are some words that you can use
To describe the show

If it's early in the afternoon
When you see a play
The show that you are seeing
Is called a matinee

When the play begins
The actors go to their positions
You learn the characters' backgrounds
That's called the exposition

The leading actor in the play
You simply can't resist
He is the hero of the play
He's the protagonist

The characters in the play
They talk to one another
This part is called the dialogue
It helps move the plot futher

You get to find out if the play
Ends the way you want
When do you get to find that out?
During the dénouement

We're going to the theatre
To the theatre we will go
And now you have some words to use
To describe the show

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

We've Got Hope

We've got hope, we've got hope, we've got hope

On a brighter future we're bankin'
You can call us sanguine
We can't be sure 'cause we're not clairvoyant
But about the future we're buoyant

We've got hope, we've got hope, we've got hope

Do you think we're going bananas?
Then call us Pollyannas
Do we lack the proper caution?
You can call us all Panglossian
But we don't think our hope is excessive
Because the future looks so impressive

We've got hope, we've got hope, we've got hope
We've got hope, we've got hope, we've got hope

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Bible Words

Well, the Bible is a great book but it uses some words
That in normal conversation aren't very often heard
Like cubit, rend, and harlot
Beget, beseech and smite
If you don't know what these words mean
Let me set you right

A cubit is the distance from your elbow to your fingertip
When you rend your clothing, you just grab it and rip

A harlot is a women who's romantically wild
Beget is just a fancy way to say "to have a child"

To beseech means to plead with somebody to do what is right
To smite means to hit somebody with all of your might

The Bible is a great book but it uses some words
That in normal conversation aren't very often heard
That's why we call them Bible words

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Quiescent Night

Quiescent night
Sanctified night
Ubiquitous calm
Ubiquitous light
Round yon virgin matriarch and child
Sanctified neonate tender and mild
Sleep in empyrean peace
Sleep in empyrean peace

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

I Saw You

At the state fair I espied
You on a ride
You didn't try to hide

At the zoo I caught a glimpse
Of you by the chimps
You liked the one that limps

At the art museum I did discern
You with a look of concern
By a Grecian urn

But in the end I did not detect you
Anywhere I should not expect to
Now I know I was incorrect to
Follow you around
I bet that's why you frowned
When you saw me

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Common Mistakes Part II

Common mistakes (part 2)
That everybody makes (including you)
The kind that make grammarians say
"Give me a break!"

(Confusing disinterested and uninterested)

Disinterested means objective
Like a judge who's just and fair
While someone who's uninterested
Is someone who just does not care

(Misspelling bizarre)

B I Z A R R E
Means as strange as strange can be
B A Z A A R
Is a marketplace where you might spend a dinar

(Imply or infer?)

If I say "Dad's angry with you!"
I'm implying you should hide
If you go hide in the closet
You've inferred what I implied

(Immensity or enormity?)

Use the word immensity
For things of great size or intensity
Enormity should not be used
Unless great evil is accused

(Eminent or imminent?)

Eminent with an E
Means as respected as can be
Imminent with an I
Means "It's going to happen in the wink of an eye"

Common mistakes (part 2)
That everybody makes (including you)
The kind that make grammarians say
"Give me a break!"

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Tomorrow is Election Day

Tomorrow our great nation
A president will choose
Then with great anticipation
It will watch the tv news

To see who's our next president
Obama or McCain
Whoever wins, some folks will love
While others will disdain

For months and months we have endured
A campaign that was vicious
The insults flew both fast and hard
Both sides were quite malicious

They lied about one another
What they said was pure slander
Then they'd turn around and promise voters everything
That's what you call a pander

But soon it will be over
And we'll see how it ends
The victor and the also-ran
Will shake hands and be friends

Yes, we will watch attentively
All of the news transmissions
And then on Wednesday we'll return
To ignoring politicians

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Here Come the Ghosts

Here come the ghosts
Here come the ghosts
Here come the words for ghosts

A poltergeist makes sure you know that he is there
He loves to makes noises and throws objects in the air

A zombie is a person who returns from the dead
You might call him a revenant if you're well read

A phantom, a specter, and an apparition
These are all words that mean "a ghost-like vision"

A spirit that controls a place is called a numen
I don't know what it is, but I know it's not human

Here come the ghosts
Here come the ghosts
Here come the words for ghosts

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

EU is Good

EU is good
I know that sounds funny
But when "you" is spelled E-U
Then it's right on the money

A sound that is pleasingly sweet and harmonic
Sounds really good so we say it's euphonic

When we are so happy that we're all singing "Gloria"
We're feeling so good we say we're feeling euphoria

If it makes you feel good, if its effect is tonic
A thing can be described as eudemonic

A pet that is old and sick deserves a good end
That pet is euthanized, goodbye old friend

I spoke at a funeral, I spoke well of the dead
My speech was a eulogy, good things I said

EU is good
I know that sounds funny
But when "you" is spelled E-U
Then it's right on the money


by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Collective Nouns

A group of dogs is called a pack, a group of cows a herd
Lots of special groups have their own special word

A group of ducks is called a brace
A group of trees a stand
A group of donkeys is a pace
And a group of coyotes a band

A group of seals is called a bob
A group of leopards a leap
A group of kangaroos is a mob
And a drove is a group of sheep

And a lodge is a group of beavers
A group of snakes is a nest
A congregation is a group of believers
That's the kind that a preacher likes best

A group of dogs is called a pack, a group of cows a herd
Lots of special groups have their own special word

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

English words That Came From Spanish

English words that came from Spanish

Someone who takes the law in his own hands, he
Is known as a vigilante
When your country is betrayed
The one who did it is a renegade

Someone who loads cargo from ship to shore
Is known as a stevedore
A cowboy who works hard for his dinero
Is known as a vaquero

A military government, in case you wonder
Is known as a junta

English words that came from Spanish

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Jerks

You can call someone a jerk
If that person is a worm
But rather than call him a jerk
Why not use a more precise term?

If someone's so rude and vulgar
That he's being quite an ass
Rather than call him a jerk
You can call him crass

If someone is such a tightwad
That it makes you furious
Rather than call him a jerk
Say that he's penurious

If someone acts holier than thou
But is a phony
Rather than call him a jerk
Accuse him of sanctimony

If someone complains so much
Talking to him is perilous
Rather than call him a jerk
Just say he is querulous

If someone is hated by
All who are nice and sensible
Rather than call him a jerk
Say he's reprehensible

You can call someone a jerk
If that person is a worm
But rather than call him a jerk
Why not use a more precise term?

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

F I D Means Faith

I give you my bona fides
You can trust in what I say
F I D spells faith in Latin
F I D words on the way
Let's learn F I D words today

Someone who has turned his back
Upon his faith and God as well
Who rejects his own religion
Is known as an infidel

Someone who cannot be trusted
You can call perfidious
If he's also very sneaky
You can also call him insidious

If you lack faith in yourself
If your confidence is spent
You are feeling meek and modest
You are feeling diffident

Tell your story in a court of law
Where it's written down to save it
Make sure you have told the truth
When you sign that affidavit

I give you my bona fides
You can believe what I say
F I D spells faith in Latin
We learned F I D words today

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "F I D Means Faith," you might also like Bob Marley.

The Way You Walk

For me to know the way you're feeling we don't even have to talk
I can tell the way you're feeling from the way you walk

When you're feeling sad and sluggish, when you've got the blues
You plod and trudge like you're in a pair of concrete shoes

When you're feeling more relaxed, when your cares all start to fade
That's when you start to saunter and promenade

When you're feeling so proud I see you sucking in your gut,
Hold your head high, stick your chest out, then you start to strut

And when you're feeling aimless, that's when you start to traipse
You meander like a windblown leaf across the landscapes

For me to know how you are feeling we don't even have to talk
I can tell the way you're feeling from the way you walk

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Way You Walk," you might also like Fats Domino.

Cata Means Down

The Greeks invented the catapult
To hurl rocks down upon their foes
The prefix 'cata-' means down in Greek
Its use in other words I'll disclose
In my song, here's how it goes

When a change goes down due to a force that it cannot resist
The thing that caused the change is called a catalyst

Cemeteries down below the ground were first built in ancient Rome
They borrowed 'cata' from the Greeks to call these places catacombs

When a person's in a stupor like he's always on the Chronic
There are some who would describe him as catatonic

Katrina was a cataclysm, a flood as violent as can be
It destroyed New Orleans, that was truly a catastrophe

The Greeks invented the catapult
To hurl rocks down upon their foes
The prefix 'cata-' means down in Greek
Its use in other words now everybody knows

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Auto Means Self

I saw my favorite rock star today
I asked him for an autograph
He said “Yes” but only signed his first name
He only gave me half of his autograph

He told me that he had written a book
Entitled “All About Me”
The story of his life, he wrote it himself
It was his autobiography

Because auto means “self” and that’s just the way it auto be

I asked him how he learned to play guitar
He said, "Now here's actual fact
I taught myself to play the guitar
I am an autodidact"

I took his picture with my camera
I quickly snapped two or three
The camera wound the film all by itself
It wound it automatically

Because auto means "self" and that’s just the way it auto be

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Looking For A Fight

I, I, I, I, I, I'm looking for a fight!

I want to hit you with my fist
I am your antagonist
I am feeling the opposite of gracious
I want to fight, I am pugnacious
Truculent's another word that you might
Use to describe how much I want to fight

I, I, I, I, I, I'm looking for a fight!

I'm liable to start yelling and making a fuss
That's because I am obstreperous
If you prefer you can say I'm refractory
If it means mad and stubborn, your description's satisfactory
Let's have an altercation or a melee
I don't care what you call it I just want to fight today

I, I, I, I, I, I'm looking for a fight!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Stop!

I want you to stop making noise 'cause you really are annoying me!

I am asking you to cease
Making that noise and disturbing the peace
I am hoping you have it in you
The racket you're making to discontinue
If you refuse to desist
I am going to get very angry

Stop making noise 'cause you're really annoying me

And the next time you're thinking about being a pain
I'm going to ask that you refrain
Just don't start, that's what to do
Noisy activity you should eschew
Think about the sanity of your poor parents
And practice the fine art of forbearance

If you don't make noise you won't be annoying me
Thank yooooouuuuuuuuuuuu!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Sorry

So many different ways to say 'I'm sorry, sorry!'

What I did, it wasn't right
And for that I am contrite
The cruel things I said and meant
For those I am penitent
My regret is in full force
It is deep, I feel remorse
Now that my conscience has started to function
I am feeling great compunction
I'm aware of my disgrace and
That's why you can say I'm chastened

So many different ways to say 'I'm sorry, sorry!'

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Sorry," you might also like power pop music.

Port

Ships carry their cargo to ports
Port means carry in words of all sorts

You can carry around documents in your portfolio
For clothes and larger items you might want a portmanteau
The first is not so heavy because it's thin and flat
The second is hard to carry because it's big and fat

If you want your bags carried at a hotel or railway station
Give them to the porter, that is his occupation
He transports your bags to your room or your seat
Don't forget to tip him, he works so he can eat

A thing that is easy to carry is described as portable
If it's not expensive it is also affordable
People who can carry on an easy conversation
Are said to have rapport and deserve our admiration

Ships carry their cargo to ports
Port means carry in words of all sorts

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Doctor's Visit

The other day I woke up afflicted
Just like that, I was lying in my sick bed
I said, "This stinks, I don't want to be sick
I'll go see the doctor, get an analgesic
(That's a kind of medicine you take to get rid of your pain)

The doctor's exam was quite meticulous
She studied me so carefully I thought it was ridiculous
Finally she said, "You've got a germ
My diagnosis is: you're infirm"
(Wait a minute, that's just a fancy way of saying I'm sick! I already knew that!)

I said, "Hey doc, don't want to be ungracious
But you're diagnosis isn't really perspicacious
You have no insight, that's really quite curious.
She said, "I'm not a real doctor; my credentials are spurious."
(But I play one on tv!)

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

M-A-G-N Means Gigantic

M-A-G-N means gigantic
Think big, even bigger than Big Ben
Imagine something big and you'll remember
The meaning of M-A-G-N

Take a small picture make it big as the sky
That's a picture that you just did magnify

Measure an item if you're in the mood
When you know how big it is, you've measured its magnitude

A corporate giant has wealth vast and great
That's a person we describe as a magnate

Do something generous in a bighearted way
You'll do something magnanimous, that's more than A OK

M-A-G-N means gigantic
Think big, even bigger than Big Ben
Imagine something big and you'll remember
The meaning of M-A-G-N

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

I Cry Each Day

I cry each day
In a different way

On Monday I howl endlessly
All day I'm loudly bawling
I'm caterwauling

On Tuesday I cry and complain
My behavior's most uncivil
That's when I snivel

On Wednesday I cry like an infant
Who hurt himself by falling
That's when I'm squalling

On Thursday like a tired child
I'm whimpering and drooling
That's when I'm mewling

On Friday I wake up and scream
Then spend the whole day howling
That's when I'm yowling

On Saturday I wail in grief
As though life's lost all meaning
That's when I'm keening

On Sunday I don't cry at all
I have myself a fun day
And wait for Monday!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "I Cry Each Day," you might also like The Louvin Brothers.

Party

We're going to have a party, it's going to be great
Each guest has got a different personality trait

Alex isn't friendly, Alex is aloof
Instead of mixing in, he'll sit alone on the roof

Vera is quite talkative, Vera is verbose
She's going to talk your ear off if you get too close

Greg's a party animal, Greg is gregarious
His stories are engrossing and his jokes are hilarious

Melanie is very sad, she is melancholy
She is quite unlike Jolene, who really is quite jolly

Sid is such a brownnose, Sid is sycophantic
His need to flatter everyone truly is gigantic

Ann just loves to argue, she's quite antagonistic
No matter what you say to her, she's bound to go ballistic

Hope that you can make it to the party!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Stealing

The Bible says "Thou shalt not steal"
But it doesn't say you can't talk about stealing
Here are some words you might want to use
When talking 'bout stealing is how you're feeling

If you take money from your employer
That on the business was supposed to be spent
That is called embezzlement

If you steal someone else's work
And when the teacher asks "Is that yours?" You say "Yes'm"
What you've done is plagiarism

If you steal a thing that's worth so little
It's something that you couldn't even get a dollar bill for
What you did was pilfer

If you take a walk on someone else's property
You surely are encroaching
But if you hunt or fish while you are there
What you're doing is poaching

A conquering army swoops down like thunder
What they steal is called their plunder

There are many types of stealing and they're all wrong
To remember which is which just think of this song

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Carefree

I'm having a carefree day
Everything is looking A OK
You can call me Insouciant
Or nonchalant
Either way you're saying I'm carefree
To which I agree!

Once I worried about everything
You could say that I was apprehensive
I spent my days thinking deep dark thoughts
That's why everybody said I was pensive
You never heard a person with a sadder whine
My mood could only be described as saturnine
Until she took my hand and said, "You're not so bad, and you're mine!" [sigh]

I'm having a carefree day
Everything is looking A OK
You could call me insouciant
Or nonchalant
Either way you're saying I'm carefree
To which I agree (you're in love)
In love and carefree (feeling fine)
In love and carefree (no longer saturnine)
Yes I'm in love

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Carefree," you might also like The Fleetwoods.

Yo Mama

Yo Mama, Yo Mama, Yo Mama, Yo Mama

Yo mama is so obtuse
She hangs your clothing with a noose
She sold her car to raise gas money
She's so ignorant, it's funny

Yo mama's face is so unsightly
It is in my nightmares nightly
Compared to her Marilyn Manson
Looks just like Scarlett Johansson

Yo mama is so minuscule
She could drown in a wading pool
She needs a ladder to get in a chair
She has to cuff her underwear

Yo mama's so antiquated
Moses was a man she dated
She once had a pet dinosaur
That's all I've got, I have no more

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Perry Gets Around

Perry is a guy who covers lots of ground
In fact his name is Greek for 'about' or 'around'
For being close to the action Perry is renowned
That's why his name is often used as a starting sound

A regular dentist takes a look at your teeth
While a periodontist looks above and beneath
He checks the gums around your teeth

When the moon is as close to the Earth as can be
That part of its orbit's called its perigee
No closer can it be

And you know how the Earth revolves around the sun?
When it can't get any closer, that's its perihelion
It's journey toward the sun is done

Perry travels all around, he's so energetic
He's always on the move, he's peripatetic
It's a good thing he's athletic

Perry is a guy who gets around!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Perry Gets Around," you might also like The Beach Boys.

America the Pulchritudinous

Oh pulchritudinous
For capacious skies
For saffron waves of grain
For amethyst mountains majesty
Above the bounteous plains
America America
May God slough grace upon ya
And for all eternity
Bless you with fraternity
From Maine to Califania!

Happy Holidays 2007

If you want to be a part of the latest craze
Just take your favorite greeting for the holidays
Then use some synonyms to write a paraphrase
Change the words but not the meaning that the greeting conveys

May your Kwanzaa be full of elation (hope that it's as happy as can be)
Hope your Christmas bring you exaltation (celebrating 'neath the Christmas tree)
May your Hannukah be blissful, full of joy and mirth
And may New Year's Eve inaugurate an age of peace and love on Earth

Let's wish all Muslims an idyllic Eid al-Adha
And for the Chinese, a delirious Dong-Zhi
Let everyone on Earth be a persona grata
Blessed with the Maker's love and sweet tranquility

Have a festive Festival of Light (Happy Hanukkah is what you're sayin')
May you have a jubilant Yuletide (Have a Merry Christmas eve and day and)
Hope you have a jovial Kwanzaa, happy as can be
And my New Year bring good tidings, meaning better news for you and me!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Happy Holidays," you might also like The Phil Spector Christmas album.

Festival of Lights

Way back in the olden days
Back in antiquity
An evil befell the Hebrew temple
A great iniquity

The conquerors of Judea
Defiled its holy site
They made the place unholy
Doing things that aren't right

Then a group of freedom fighters
Repelled those cruel invaders
Their name, it was the Maccabees
The Jewish liberators

The condition of the Temple
Was a low down dirty shame
And worst of all, there was a dearth of oil
To fuel the Eternal Flame

There was only oil for one day
When eight days were required
If that oil couldn't last eight days
The flame, it would expire

Miraculously, the oil burned
For eight days and eight nights
And that's why Hanukkah is called
The Festival of Lights!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Festival of Lights" you might also like Mickey Katz.

Thanksgiving Feast

Before we eat all of this food on our Thanksgiving table
I'd like to describe the feast before us as best as I am able
This spread of dishes is so vast in scope, ya
Might well call it a cornucopia

There's gobs of greens and bounteous beans
And a plethora of potatoes
There's a plenteous plate of turkey meat
And a teeming tureen of tomatoes
With copious cranberry sauce
And more than sufficient stuffing
There is no doubt when this meal is done
We'll all be huffing and puffing

Remember not to overeat so that you won't become sick
Now let us say a prayer of thanks, and please pass me the drumstick!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Thanksgiving Feast," you might also like The Bonzo Dog Band.

Back to the Farm

I'm tired of the city
I want to go back to the farm
Leave behind this frenetic life
And return to rustic charm
Return to rustic charm

I long again to frolic
Through the countryside bucolic
Where life is quiet and peaceful
It's a pastoral Nirvana
Where the farmland is so fecund
Crops grow in just one second
And the pastures filled with verdure
Are the green as an iguana

I'm tired of the city
I want to go back to the farm
Leave behind this frenetic life
And return to rustic charm
Return to rustic charm

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Back to the Farm," you might also like country rock.

The Ghost of Noah Webster

I am the ghost of Noah Webster
I wrote America's first dictionary
Every Halloween I return to Earth
To teach synonyms for "scary"

Alex was so scared that he couldn't move for trying
He saw something that was petrifying

Something very strange scared my cat, Dearie
She saw something that was very eerie

Cindy started toward a haunted house but wound up swerving
She found the thought of going in unnerving

Who would not be scared by a grave robber's job?
That's a profession that is most macabre

I am the ghost of Noah Webster
I wrote America's first dictionary
I'll be back again next Halloween
To teach synonyms for "scary"

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Ghost of Noah Webster," you might also like Tom Waits.

Phil is So Full of Himself

Phil is so full of himself

Phil is in love with himself
That's his main characteristic
Some folks call him egotistical
Others, narcissistic

Phil thinks he can do no wrong
He cannot be defeated
Some folks, they call him cocksure
Others say conceited

Phil thinks he's so important
He's so proud, it's naughty
Some folks would call him arrogant
Others call him haughty

Phil, he just cannot stop boasting
When he walks he swaggers
Some folks would say he gloats
Others call him a braggart

And that's why I don't like Phil

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Phil is So Full of Himself," you might also like Mississippi John Hurt.

Rehab

I want you to go to rehab, yeah, yeah, yeah

Lately your mood has been so erratic
One day you're depressed, the next you're ecstatic
Your appearance is slovenly and you're fusty
You smell like a landfill and your skin is crusty
In short, as a result of your addiction
Your life is in a state of dereliction
Which means that it's bad and it continues to worsen
You've become a most duplicitous person
Which means you tell lies without the slightest hesitation
To get what you want you'll tell any fabrication
And when your friends try to tell you that you've lost your way
You just talk about Ray Charles and Donnie Hathaway, no!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Rehab," you might also like reggae music.

Don't Call Me Fatso, Beanpole

Don't call me fatso, beanpole
Don't call me beanpole, fatso

If you really have to taunt
You may say that I am gaunt
Perhaps you could be persuaded
To say I'm emaciated
I'm the opposite of brawny
So you can call me scrawny

But don't call me beanpole, fatso
Don't call me fatso, beanpole

Yes it's true I fill my clothes
So you can call me adipose
If by my size you are stunned
Why don't you call me rotund?
I know it's no compliment
But you may call me corpulent

But don't call me fatso, beanpole!
Don't call me beanpole, fatso!
by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Don't Call Me Fatso, Beanpole," you might also like Sly and the Family Stone.

Pan is the Greek Word for All

Pan is the Greek word for 'all'
A panorama is a view that goes in all directions
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
A panacea is a cure for all life's imperfections
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
A panegyric is a speech of praise that all must hear
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
A pandemic is a widespread illness that all people fear
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
Once all the continents were one, it was called Pangaea (pan-JEE-uh)
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
A pantheist believes in all the gods from A to Z-uh
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
Pan is the Greek word for 'all'

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Pan is the Greek Word for All," you might also like Afro-Pop.

Meditate

If you want to meditate
You must learn to concentrate
Focus your mind on a single thought

Do it a peaceful place
A serene and quiet space
Make yourself calm, do not be distraught

Log off your computer, turn off the television
Quarantine your cell phone, you won't regret the decision

Soon you will be meditating
Deep thoughts you'll be contemplating
With a calm and peaceful mind
Try it if you're so inclined!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Meditate," you might also like the music of Central Asia.

Hollywood Girls

When the Hollywood girls go wild
They must be exiled
From the mainstream population
Through a brief incarceration

Paris, Lindsay, and Nicole
Three girls who are totally out of control
To stay sober they cannot be persuaded
Every night they drink 'til they're inebriated

And though they are impaired when they leave the bars
They climb right behind the wheels of their Benz SLRs
And drive the wrong way down the highway or over someone's feet
You could say their actions are indiscreet
Which means that they don't give what they do much thought
That must explain why they always get caught

Because they lack even an ounce of discernment
They're taken off to jail for a little internment
And what's so crazy is that they could avoid this fuss
By getting a chauffeur or taking the bus

When the Hollywood girls go wild
They must be exiled
From the mainstream population
Through a brief incarceration

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

UNI Means One

Did you know that every snowflake is one of a kind?
Every single snowflake is unique
If you check your Latin dictionary I’m sure you’ll find
That U-N-I spells “one” in the language that the Romans used to speak

Have you heard a group of people singing one melody?
Listen to us sing in unison
Have you heard a politician calling for unity?
She’s asking us to stop our arguments and all join together as one

Think of all the stars and planets together as one
That one thing is called the universe
If you check your Latin dictionary I’m sure you’ll find
That U-N-I spells “one” in the language that the Romans used first

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Feel Like a Frenchman Blues

Woke up this morning
Felt as sad I can be
I was tired and bored and dissatisfied
You could say I was feeling ennui

Sometimes I want to say farewell
Give everybody my adieus
Lord I've never been so lowdown
I've got the 'feel like a Frenchman' blues

Whenever a party starts, I just want to leave
I don't enjoy my life any more, I've lost my joie de vivre

You know I just don't care what people do or say
I feel like I've seen it all before, it makes me so blasé

I've got a vague lowdown feeling that's got me in a haze
You might call it the blues, but me, I call it malaise

I can't find my comfort zone
I'm a man without milieus
Lord I've never been so lowdown
I've got the 'feel like a Frenchman' blues

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Feel Like a Frenchman Blues," you might also like punk blues.

LOC Means Talk

LOC means talk
LOC means talk
LOC and LOQ
Mean that talking's what I do

My name is DJ LOC
I am bold, I am audacious
I talk a lot, I am loquacious
I choose my words well so you know what is meant
I am eloquent, no word is misspent
I don't contribute to the noise pollution
My speech is clean and clear, I've got good elocution
And when I'm speaking, there's nobody else speaking but me
Every speech I give is a soliloquy
So don't criticize me, I don't need your obloquy
LOC means talk, you see, so that's what you call me, because

LOC means talk
LOC means talk
LOC or LOQ
Mean that talking's what I do

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Common Mistakes

Common mistakes
That everybody makes
The kind that make grammarians say
"Give me a break!"

(Misusing nonplussed)
When you say you are nonplussed
You're saying that you are confused
You are not saying you are calm
Although that's how the word's misused

(Confusing antidote and anecdote)
If you're bitten by a snake
An antidote is what you take
An anecdote's the tale you tell
Later, after you get well

(Ir-re-gard-less)
I don't care what you have heard
Irregardless is not a word
Lose the I-R at the start
And say regardless, you'll sound smart!

(Misspelling alter)
Altar spelled with an a
Describes a place where you can pray
While alter with an e means 'change'
The English language sure is strange!

Common mistakes
That everybody makes
The kind that make grammarians say
"Give me a break!"

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Animal Words

Animal words, animal words (love those animal words!)

An elephant is the biggest land mammal the world has ever seen
That's why we call a thing that's really big elephantine

A lion is the king of the jungle, a hero in all eyes
When we treat a person like a king, that's a person we lionize

A pig is fat and greedy, food he never will decline
If you know someone who's piggish you can call him porcine

A serpent, it can twist and turn and tangle like a vine
A road or line that does the same is described as serpentine

A sheep is meek and bashful, like some people that I know
I call those people sheepish, my description's apropos

Animal words, animal words (love those animal words!)

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Animal Words," you might also like funk music.

Smart

If you want to say you're smart
And you want to sound the part
Here is a lesson that you ought to take to heart

If you can solve tricky problems, if you love to troubleshoot
That's an indication that you're quite astute

If you're ahead of your class you're precocious and you're so smart
You might even be a prodigy like Wolfgang Mozart

If you know a million facts that you love to recite
There's no doubt about it, you are erudite

But if you love to show off that your knowledge is gigantic
Don't be surprised if people say that you are pedantic

If you want to say you're smart
And you want to sound the part
Here is a lesson that you ought to take to heart

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

The Hairy Song

Say you have a friend who looks like a bear
Because his body is covered in hair
You can tell that person that he is hirsute
That is a statement he cannot dispute

Perhaps your friend doesn’t mind being nappy
Maybe having body hair makes him quite happy
That’s fine, live and let live’s my credo
So long as I don’t have to look at him in a Speedo

But if your friend doesn’t like his situation
You ought to recommend depilation
Something like a Brazilian waxing
You ought to warn him it’s a little bit taxing

When it’s all over and your friend is streamlined
As smooth and hairless as a cheese rind
He will be rid of his source of irritation
And you’ll have helped solve a hairy situation

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Hairy Song," you might also like de la Soul.

Poverty

It's true I live in poverty
But I don't like to be called poor
So I've learned a few new words
That mean the same as 'poor'
But to me have more allure

Because I do not even have two cents
I say 'I live in a state of indigence'
I do not have enough to pay my bills
I am insolvent, mine are empty tills

I save the best I can, I am quite frugal
I don't even put raisins in my kugel
My savings are too puny to discuss
That's why I say I'm impecunious

It's true I live in poverty
But I don't like to be called poor
So I've learned a few new words
That mean the same as 'poor'
But to me have more allure

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Mother

Let's spell Mother!
Let's spell Mother!
Let's spell Mother!

M is for maternal
A fancy word for "motherly"
O's for optimistic
How positive can mother be!

T is for tenacious
She never quits at all
H is for heedful
She's alert and on the ball

E is for effusive
She's generous with praise
And R is for resourceful
She solves problems many ways

If, when you think of your mom,
This song does not ring true
At the very least, remember
Without her there'd be no you

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Mother," you might also like barbershop quartets.

Tax Words

If you have a job you're paid for
What you earn is called income
On the 15th day of April
You must give the government some

The government collects the taxes
To pay for things it must tend to
Roads and police, schools and parks
Are paid for with tax revenue

If you have got a dependant
Like a daughter or a son
You can subtract from your taxes
That is called a deduction

But you must pay all your taxes
Every last cent without fail
Paying less is called evasion
Do it and you'll go to jail

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Tax Words," you might also like middle-period Beatles music.

Quagmire

If you had a car with four flat tires
You'd be stuck where you are, you'd be in a quagmire

If you've got a load that you lack the back to pull
You cannot move that load, that load is intractable

If you have no detergent but you need to do laundry
You need to do what can't be done, you're in a quandary

Try to feed a family on just one noodle
It cannot be done, the situation is futile

If you have a farm and can't even make grass grow
Your farm is a failure, you could call it a fiasco

When your problems come faster and faster and faster
You might wind up with a debacle, a complete disaster

These are words used by critics of the war in Iraq
Agree or disagree, now you'll understand their smack

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

New Year's Resolution

If you have a bad habit you want to quit here's a solution
Now's the time to make yourself a New Year's resolution
Or if you'd prefer, you can call it an asseveration
Either way you're promising bad-habit eradication

If you eat so much it's making your pants buttons bust
Resolve to be abstemious rather than gluttonous

If you are so greedy that it's making you vicious
Resolve to be magnanimous instead of avaricious

If you are lazy, as though work you are all-ar-gic
Resolve to be industrious rather than be lethargic

If you love yourself so much that it's your main characteristic
Resolve to modest be instead of narcissistic

If you have a bad habit you want to quit here's a solution
Now's the time to make yourself a New Year's resolution
Or if you'd prefer, you can call it an asseveration
Either way you're promising bad-habit eradication

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

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The Happy Song

Once I was sad
My life had never been so grim
But now I'm so happy
Or to use some synonyms

I am exultant,euphoric, blissful and elated
Exuberant, jubilant, and exhilarated
If I were any happier I'd have to be sedated
I'm exultant, exuberant, blissful, euphoric, jubilant, elated…and exhilarated!

I am exultant,euphoric, blissful and elated
Exuberant, jubilant, and exhilarated
If I were any happier I'd have to be sedated
I'm exultant, exuberant, blissful, euphoric, jubilant, elated…and exhilarated!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Happy Song," you might also like Brian Wilson.

Bene

Benny is a good boy
He has a favorite game
Benny likes to use words
That start with his name
Now Benny is unusual, he spells his name differently
Benny likes to spell his name B E N E

Bene's never mean or cruel
He knows that anger makes no sense
He'd rather wish the whole world well
That boy's full of benevolence

Benny likes to help out others
He's what you'd call a good actor
He's the kind of person whom
You might well call a benefactor

Benny helps out charities
All his work is voluntary
All the people that he helps
Are his beneficiaries

Benny's a religious fellow
Follows his faith with conviction
He says many blessings though
He'd rather call them benedictions

Benny is a good boy
He has a favorite game
Benny likes to use words
That start with his name
Now Benny is unusual, he spells his name differently
Benny likes to spell his name B E N E

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

The French Word for Sleep is Dormir

The French word for sleep is dormir
When you hear the root dorm you know that sleepy time is near

College students sleep in a dormitory
Some sleep in the classroom, but that’s a different story

A dormant volcano is one that’s at rest
That’s the type of volcano that most people like the best

A dormer is a window built into an angled frame
It’s most often found in bedrooms, that’s how it got its name

A dormouse is a rodent that sleeps through the day
It hibernates in winter, it just sleeps its life away

A sleeping pill’s a medicine with dormitive power
You can say it’s soporific, it’ll make you sleep for hours

The French word for sleep is dormir
When you hear the root dorm you know that sleepy time is near

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Street Cred

I’ve got street cred because I mean what I say
The folks on my street believe the words I convey
I’ve got street cred ‘cause I do not deceive
Cred comes from Latin, it means “believe”

I don’t have to pay cash, that’s right, I said it!
The stores trust me so I can buy on credit
They know that I would never tell a lie
That’s why I’m known as a credible guy

No, there never is a reason to mislead
That is what I believe, that is my creed
I don’t ever put up a pretense
That’s why I’ve got maximum credence

I’ve got street cred because I mean what I say
The folks on my street believe the words I convey
I’ve got street cred ‘cause I do not deceive
Cred comes from Latin, it means “believe”



by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Social Classes

When I was a child I was destitute
My family had nothing in the way of loot
But I never lost sight of the American Dream
I knew someday I would rise to the top like cream

As soon as I became a strong young man
I got me a job working with my hands
I got a blue collar shirt and a yellow hard hat
I became a member of the proletariat

At nights I went to school to get a degree
So I could become a member of the bourgeoisie
Soon I had a desk job with real good pay
I could buy nice things and I liked it that way

I saved my money and invested wisely
All of my investments did very nicely
Now there’s a Rolex on my wrist and Gucci on my feet
I’m a member of society’s elite

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Nigerian E-Mail

I knew this guy who had prosperity
He had no need of loans or charity
He kept his money in a vault that was capacious
Which is to say that the vault was spacious

Then one day he received an email
Purportedly from a Nigerian female
It promised him a fortune if he’d assist her
He would have been better of if he’d dismissed her

My friend was rich but he wanted to be richer
His vision of the future was an opulent picture
So he signed on for what turned out to be a swindle
It wasn’t long before his affluence started to dwindle

And now my friend’s money is entirely depleted
Out of all his riches my friend was cheated
He’s become an indigent, he lost it all
Greed and a con man were his downfall

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Mare

Mare is the Latin word
For the ocean or the sea
It's the root of many English words
The root of them it be
Argh!
The root of them it be

The ocean it be kinda blue and it be kinda green
That's a color that we like to call aquamarine

A sailor is a person who could not be more seafarin'-er
Another word to call that salty dog would be a mariner

Soak your meat in liquid, soon your hunger you'll be sating
What you're doing to that meat, we call it marinating

Guess the word I'm thinking of and I'll give ye a dime
It means "related to the sea," the word is maritime

Dock your boat so it be safe in a harbor or marina
Sit upon the deck and laugh as though you're a hyena

Mare is the Latin word
For the ocean or the sea
It's the root of many English words
The root of them it be
Argh!
The root of them it be

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Delicious

Delicious, Delicious, Delicious

I like food that’s delectable
Succulent and toothsome too
I like food that’s savory
How ‘bout you?

You can make me happy
By offering a scrumptious dish
Drop it down in front of me
And I’ll scream “That’s delish!”

Succulent and savory
Delectable and toothsome too
All these words mean “Delicious”
And now it’s time to eat some stew

Yummmmmm

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

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Quiet and Loud

You might find this song quite strange
It has a wide dynamic range
At first it starts out quite subdued
It has a peaceful, quiet mood

But then abruptly it does change
The music grows quite loud and strange
It reaches an unpleasant din
That sets your eardrums rattlin’

And then for reasons quite unknown
The song resumes its tranquil tone
Here’s something you don’t often see
A song that ends in cacophony

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

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Polly

Do you know a girl named Polly?
She has many traits by golly
In fact, her name in part expresses
The many qualities she possesses

Name a language she can't speak
I'll bet that you cannot
Polly speaks so many languages
She's a polyglot

Polly can tell you 'bout quantum physics
Or The Grapes of Wrath
She knows just about everything
She's a polymath

She sewed a dress of many colors
The colors are dramatic
When she wears that colorful dress
She's polychromatic

She sings in a great big chorus
With a group symphonic
The chorus has so many voices
It is polyphonic

Polly's married to four men
I think it's ridiculous
The police took her off to jail
They said she was polygamous

Do you know a girl named Polly?
She has many traits by golly
In fact, her name in part expresses
The many qualities she possesses

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

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