Take the "I" Away From "Trains"

Trains
Can carry you across the plains
But take the I away from trains and you get trans-
A prefix that means “across” or “through”

An email carries your words way across town
Transmitting every single word that you wrote down
A piece of glass lets the sunlight shine right through
Because it is transparent, that’s something it can do

A motorcycle can take you across the land
Transporting you from Maine down to the Rio Grande
And if you ever take a trip across the sea
If the trip is transatlantic you might wind up in Paris

Trains
Can carry you across the plains
But take the I away from trains and you get trans-
A prefix that means “across” or “through”

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like Take the "I" Away From "Trains," you might also like George Jones.

Do You Know an Ingenue?

An ingénue
Is someone who
Would never tell a lie
She’s simple, young, and innocent
And never is a guy

You might say she’s ingenuous
Or you could say naive
They both mean “inexperienced”
And both are French words, I believe

But what of people who pretend
To be naive for evil ends?
We call them disingenuous
Don’t trust a word they say to us

An ingénue
Is someone who
Would never tell a lie
She’s simple, young, and innocent
And never is a guy

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Do You Know an Ingenue?" you might also like Edith Piaf.

Silly Hate Song

No two types of hatred are exactly the same
And each type has its own special name

Enmity, enmity
That's the hate you feel toward an enemy
When you get the feeling that it's time to go to war
Then you know the feeling the word "enmity" is for

But if it's for revenge that you do hanker
I would have say that you are feeling rancor
Rancor rots your brain just like a rancid fruit
Hey! Rancor and rancid share the same Latin root!

And when you call somebody a jerk or a phony
That's when you know you're feeling acrimony
When you want to start an acrimonious dispute
Just give somebody a one-finger salute

Let's review!

Enmity's the feeling that drives you to war
Rancor makes you feel that you should settle a score
Acrimony causes you to flip someone the bird
Instead of saying "hate," next time use a different word!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Silly Hate Song," you might also like Fats Domino.

I Agree

I agree! I agree!

When somebody asks of me
Whether or not I agree
I like to use a synonym
To answer affirmatively

Yes sir! I concur!
Don’t cry! I’ll comply!
Yes, yes! I acquiesce!
I subscribe to your position
Yes you have got my permission

I agree! I agree!

I give you my best assurance
With you I am in concurrence
My complicity is giant
What I mean is, I’m compliant
With your head I am not messin’
I am fully acquiescent
I subscribe to your position
Yes you have got my permission

I agree! I agree!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Rainy Day SAT Blues #4000

Well the rain it was torrential
On that October Saturday morning
As Billy headed off to take his SATs
His mother gave him this stern warning

"Don't get water on your answer sheet
Keep that paper free of hydration
Because a wet answer sheet can't be properly scored
And the result is grade deflation"

And Billy said, "Mom, I will be circumspect
Your advice I won't neglect
I'll keep it dry and I'll score high and I'll get into Rutgers"

With great care and diligence
Billy handed in a dry exam
But when the test was later graded
It was as sodden as a Quahog clam

You see the company that runs the SAT
Was a little nonchalant
It let those tests get wet causing Billy to get
A score he didn't earn or want

No, the company wasn't circumspect
Its behavior was abject
And the mistakes it made almost waylaid Billy's chances of getting into Rutgers

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Rainy Day SAT Blues #4000," you might also like Bruce Springsteen.

I Don't Want to be Lachrymose

I don't want to be lachrymose
But you've got my tears flowing
I don't want to be morose
But my misery is growing

You broke my heart
Causing coronary pain
And my life will now be desolate
For alone I will remain
You accuse me of hyperbole
You think I'm exaggerating
You say "Don't be so lugubrious
We weren't even dating!"

I don't want to be lachrymose
But you've got my tears flowing
I don't want to be morose
But my misery is growing

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "I Don't Want to be Lachrymose," you might also like The Everly Brothers.

Groups

When I see a group of people I wonder what kind of group it is

I see a group that’s so large that it can’t be ignored
(The group you’re looking at could be a horde)
I see another group plotting the government’s fall
(If I were you I’d call that group a cabal)
I see a group that inherited its social class
(That group is often described as a caste)

I see a group that stays together, with others they won’t speak
(That’s a group that you could call a clique)
What if I want another word for a clique I see
(The word you’re looking for is coterie)
If a group surrounds one person and does what he wants them to
(That is an entourage or a retinue)

Now when I see a group of people, I’m gonna know what kind of group it is

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Groups," you might also like the British Invasion.

Enervated

Enervated
Tired and deflated
Lost my energy

Enervated
Vigor has abated
Lost my energy

Some folks say “enervated”
When they mean “invigorated”
That mistake gives me fits
‘Cause those words are opposites

Enervated
Strength is dissipated
Lost my energy

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Enervated," you might also like Julie London.

End of Summer

Today’s the last day of summer vacation
Today marks summer’s termination
Tomorrow brings the school year’s inauguration

Today is one of the year’s saddest dates
Today’s the day that summer culminates
I’m trying to enjoy this last day of summer
But summer’s cessation is always a bummer

Tomorrow is the day that school will commence
My summer will be over as a consequence
It’s not that I mind the school year’s inception
But with the end of summer I must take exception

Coz when the school reopens summer fun will be missed
The onset of the school year means the summer must desist

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "End of Summer," you might also like girl group music.

Snakes on a Plane

If you like your movies cerebral
If you like to use your brain
Then you probably won't like the cinematic feature
That is known as Snakes on a Plane

'Cause Snakes on a Plane is a visceral flick
A thrill-fest of terror and pain
If that's your cup of tea then you should run out and see
Those Oedipal snakes on the Oedipal plane

Samuel L. Jackson is a man of action
From action he does not abstain
He's gonna kill those matriarch-copulating snakes
On that matriarch-copulating plane

Those snakes have Jackson so perturbed
For reasons that he clearly explains
He doesn't like their procreating via taboo mating
He's had it with those [bleep] snakes on the [bleep] plane!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

The Incredible Prefix In-

In- is the coolest prefix I’ve found
In- is a prefix that turns words around
No matter the direction a word is leaning
In- gives the word the opposite meaning

If you were active (you’d be jumping around)
But if you’re inactive (you’d just lie on the ground)
If you’re capable (there’s much you can do)
But if you’re incapable (the job’s not for you)

A path that’s direct (travels on a straight line)
But an indirect path (it just wiggles and winds)
Food is edible (but don’t eat too quick)
But rocks are inedible (they’ll make you sick)

There’s so much you can say every time you begin
A word with the incredible prefix in-

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Incredible Prefix In;-," you might also like the early Beatles recordings.

The Santa Song

At the top of the world in the frigid North
Lives a fellow most dependable
Every year he distributes toys
To those whose behavior is commendable

His name is Santa and he works all year
To manufacture toys
His workshop's staffed by tiny elves
Diminutive workers he employs

On Christmas Eve Santa loads his toys
In the cargo hold of his sleigh
He exhorts his reindeer to get to work
And he and the reindeer fly away

Now, Santa Claus is a great big man
His belly is tumescent
His reindeer Rudolph has a crimson nose
Which also happens to be luminescent

If you're doubtful that this story's true
You might have a good reason
But regardless of what you believe
Have a joyous Yuletide season

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Happy Holidays

If you want to wish someone a happy holiday
Here's how you can do it in a brand new way
You'll spread a little universal mirth and glee
Bringing joy to the world in perfect harmony

Have a festive Festival of Light (Happy Hanukkah is what you're sayin')
May you have a jubilant Yuletide (Have a Merry Christmas eve and day and)
Hope you have a jovial Kwanzaa, happy as can be
And my New Year bring good tidings, meaning better news for you and me!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Happy Holidays," you might also like The Beach Boys.

Bi- and Tri-

Bi- means two and tri- means three
And that’s just the way that it ought to be

A biweekly magazine comes every two weeks
A bilingual person two languages can speak
When you bisect something, you cut it in half
When I think about it, somehow it makes me laugh

A tricycle has three wheels to take you down the street
A tripod is a stand that has three feet
A triceratops is a three-horned dinosaur
When I think about it, it makes me laugh some more

Bi- means two and tri- means three
And that’s just the way that it ought to be

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Bi- and Tri-," you might also like Doc Watson.

The Pleasing Song

You may be a stubborn guy
With little social skill
Or you could be agreeable
And earn your friends’ goodwill

When you appease
You aim to please
By giving into somebody’s demands

When you allay
You make fear go away
By saying soothing words or simply holding someone’s hand

When you assuage
You reduce pain and rage
And help replace it with a soothing calm

If it’s peace that you desire
These are skills you should acquire
Think of how much they have helped your dad and mom!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Pleasing Song," you might also like Johnny Cash.

Amor is the Root of Love

Amor is the root of love, don’t you know amor is the root of love

Four little letters A M O R,
When you’re describing love they can take you far
If you’ve got a loving feeling you want to discuss
Just say that you are feeling amorous

Amor is the root of love, I’m telling you amor is the root of love

When you’re enamored of a boy or a girl
You love them more than anyone in the world
And if you’ve got a secret lover you can be sure
That person’s known as your paramour

Amor is the root of love, don’t you know amor is the root of love

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Amor is the Root of Love," you might also like Motown.

Hectic Day

It’s a hectic day
I’m as busy as a bee
I’m sprinting around like a fox and a hound
You could say I’m acting frantically
I’ve got more jobs to do than I have time to do ‘em
That’s the reason for my urgency
And if I don’t get ‘em done there’ll be no time for fun
So it’s sort of an emergency

Well, I’ve got homework and chores and a day of school before
That’s a pretty full slate
And I’m starting to sprint ‘coz I know if I walk
I will be running late
If I act a little frantic it’s because I’m worried
That something might get in my way
And then I wouldn’t get time to have any fun
On this very, very hectic day

It’s a hectic day
I’m as busy as a bee

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Hectic Day," you might also like Buck Owens.

Tempo

The tempo of a song is the speed at which it’s played
It helps to add the rhythm to the rhyme
And tempo comes from Latin as so many words do
When a Roman said tempus she was talking ‘bout time
When a Roman said tempus she was talking ‘bout time

When you speak of something that is happening now
You can say that it’s contemporary
What happened in the past occurred in bygone days
You could say that those two words are quite contrary
I’m talking about bygone and contemporary

Nothing lasts forever, that’s sad but true
You could say that everything is temporary
The world exists in time, it’s a temporal place
I wouldn’t blame you if you found the thought a little scary
That’s why the Bible tells us to ‘eat drink and be merry’

The tempo of a song is the speed at which it’s played
It helps to add the rhythm to the rhyme
And tempo comes from Latin as so many words do
When a Roman said tempus she was talking ‘bout time
When a Roman said tempus she was talking ‘bout time

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

House Party

There are so many ways to say “I invite you to my home”

Please accept this solicitation
To visit my accommodations
For it would surely make me smile
To see you in my domicile
This supplication is bestowed
Please take a load off at my abode

There are so many ways to say “I invite you to my home”

Verily to you I do extend a
Welcome to my hacienda
No, there is no fence around my residence
So come to the dance at my manse
You won’t get the heave-ho at my chateau
Oh no

There are so many ways to say “I invite you to my home”

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

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Be Cool

If you're rude and stubborn
Then you should not be surprised
To find that people shun you
And that you are ostracized
So my advice to you is

Don't be argumentative
Don't always go looking for a fight
Don't be so obstinate
Accept that you aren't always right
Have a little empathy
See things from another's point of view
Be willing to compromise
Meet people halfway and that's where they'll meet you

Be cool man, cool man, cool man--be a decent fellow
Be cool man, cool man, cool man--take it easy and mellow
Be cool man, cool man, cool man--be more copasetic
Be cool man, cool man, cool man--do not be pathetic

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

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