Jerks

You can call someone a jerk
If that person is a worm
But rather than call him a jerk
Why not use a more precise term?

If someone's so rude and vulgar
That he's being quite an ass
Rather than call him a jerk
You can call him crass

If someone is such a tightwad
That it makes you furious
Rather than call him a jerk
Say that he's penurious

If someone acts holier than thou
But is a phony
Rather than call him a jerk
Accuse him of sanctimony

If someone complains so much
Talking to him is perilous
Rather than call him a jerk
Just say he is querulous

If someone is hated by
All who are nice and sensible
Rather than call him a jerk
Say he's reprehensible

You can call someone a jerk
If that person is a worm
But rather than call him a jerk
Why not use a more precise term?

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review