Extremely Mean Woman Blues

My girl is foul-tempered
She’ll yell and she’ll grunt
That mean, mean woman
Is a termagant
Oh yeah, she’s a termagant

Yeah she’ll boss me around
Tells me just what to do
Even Shakespeare could not have tamed
That mean old shrew
Oh yeah, she’s a shrew

She bossed me around in Dallas
Bossed me 'round in Chicago
Bossed me up in New York
That girl’s a virago
Oh yeah, a bossy virago

And she nags and she nags
Criticizes me sharply
Like an ancient Greek monster
That girl’s a harpy
Oh yeah, she’s a harpy

No, she’s not good looking
She’s just skin and bone
And she’s old as the hills
That girl’s a crone
Mmm, an ugly old crone

You might be wondering
Why I just don’t leave her
Well the truth of the matter is
I’m no prize either
Yeah, I’m no prize

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Monsters Everywhere

There are monsters everywhere
Wonder who they’re going to scare?

A sea monster big enough to swallow a man
Is sometimes called a leviathan

She can’t really know who will die next, can she?
Of course she can, that monster’s a banshee

Sucking the blood from an animal is so macabre
But that’s what is done by a chupacabra

A tiny ugly monster who makes his home
Beneath the earth’s surface is called a gnome

Scorpion’s tail, lion’s torso
Head of a man, that’s a manticore

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

So

There are monsters everywhere
Wonder who they’re going to scare?

I'll Soon be Sleeping

Over the fence
The sheep are leaping
Soon I’ll be sleeping
Yes I’ll be sleeping

I’m half asleep
My head it bows
I’m starting to drowse
Yes I'm starting to drowse

Soon I’ll be snoring
I'll be sawing lumber
I’m going to slumber
Yes I'm going to slumber

Lying so comfy
In my bed clothes
I’m in repose
And I'm starting to doze

My consciousness
I soon will lose
I’ll start to snooze
Yes I'm starting to snooze

So tired I can’t move
My head’s a drooper
I’m in a stupor
Yes I'm in a stupor, I'm so tired!

Over the fence
The sheep are leaping
Soon I’ll be sleeping
Yes I’ll be sleeping

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

A Face By Any Other Name

A face by any other name
Still looks the same
Still I’m gonna declaim
Some words that mean ‘face’

Right on top of my neck that’s where my noggin be
If you want a fancier word you can’t go wrong with physiognomy

A visual is something you see and my visage is what you see
When you’re looking at me

Do you know Mt. Rushmore? Do you know where that mountain is?
Can you name each of its four countenances?

If you’re hanging out with a hood or a thug
You might hear a face called a puss or a mug

A face by any other name
Still looks the same
Still I’m gonna declaim
Some words that mean ‘face’

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Ubiquitous

Things you find everywhere
On the ground and in the air
Things you find everywhere

They are widespread, inescapable, prevalent and rife
You’ll see they are ubiquitous as you live your life
They’re omnipresent, universal, and pervasive
You can’t avoid these things even if you are evasive
They are everywhere, they are everywhere

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Agros Means Field in Greek

Agros means “field” in Greek
Ager is the word you’d use if Latin’s what you speak

The science of growing food out in a field
Is called agriculture, it can increase your yield

Crop and soil science dates back to Deuteronomy
Today we call that science the field of agronomy

You’ll live out on a farm if a farmer you are marryin’
The life that you’ll be living is described as agrarian

To sell what grows in a field like corn and peas and such
You ought to study agribusiness, it’s why we have so much

Change the G to C in ager and you get acre
Nearly 5,000 square yards, mowing that’s a back breaker

Agros means “field” in Greek
Ager is the word you’d use if Latin’s what you speak

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Too Many Words

You're using too many words

The words you use are too abundant
You repeat yourself, you are redundant
When you start to speak we get an overdose
Of the words that you are speaking because you are verbose

You talk so long we get distracted
Do your speeches have to be protracted?
When we complain you say that it's unfair of us
But you just will not stop talking, you're so garrulous

For your diarrhea of the mouth there is no fix
You just go on and on, you are prolix
What we're trying to say in case you haven't heard
Is that you are just using way too many words

You're using too many words

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Somebody is Looking For Me

Somebody is looking for me
It’s somebody I would rather not see
He’s looking for me ‘coz I owe him money
I don’t have it, and it’s not funny

I’m being chased by a angry dude
That’s a fellow that I want to elude

He’s looking for me ‘coz he wants to get paid
I’m using every trick I know that meeting to evade

This fellow is pretty annoyed
That’s why this fellow I’m trying to avoid

If our meeting I cannot avert
I’m afraid that someone will get hurt (maybe me!)

I’m hiding in the attic over my garage
Because this fellow I am trying to dodge

I get my allowance in just one day
Then I can pay him back and I'll no longer say

Somebody is looking for me
It’s somebody I would rather not see
He’s looking for me ‘coz I owe him money
I don’t have it, and it’s not funny

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Somebody is Looking For Me,” you might also like Cat Stevens.

Sullen Sallow Callous Callow

Sullen, sallow, callous, callow
Sullen, sallow, callous, callow

If you sulk all the time
As though sad thoughts you are mullin’
You’re sullen

If you look unhealthy
If your skin’s a sickly yellow
You’re sallow

If you’re cruel and insensitive
And act with malice
You’re callous

If you’re a young and naïve
And inexperienced fellow
You’re callow

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Geography Terms

Geography terms, geography terms

A chain of islands is called an archipelago
I’d like to go there on vacation, that’s a place that’s swell to go

A narrow waterway between two cliffs is called a fjord
You can visit one in Norway if the fare you can afford

A narrow stretch of land between two seas is called an isthmus
That’s what we call it all year long, not only just on Christmas

At the mouth of a river is a flat expanse of silt
We call that place a delta and it is by nature built

An isolated hill with a flat top and steep sides
Is called a butte by the astute and by all others else besides

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Everything in Moderation

Everything in moderation
Just as Aristotle said
Too much of a good thing
Makes a good thing bad instead

Sweet is good but too sweet is annoying
Someone who’s just too sweet is cloying

A compliment every now and then can be romantic
But pay too many compliments and you’re sycophantic

If you listen more than talk there’s a lot you can learn
But if you hardly ever talk, you’re taciturn

Call me names if you want but no stones, no sticks
If I use too many words, you can call me prolix

Everything in moderation
Just as Aristotle said
Too much of a good thing
Makes a good thing bad instead

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

I'm Tired

I’m tired!

Once I had energy
But I lost it
I’m exhausted

If I were near my bed
I’d just fall in
I’m all in

My head
Is sagging
I’m flagging

My shoulders slump
And my eyes are bleary
I’m weary

I’d like to kiss you
But my lips won’t pucker out
I’m too tuckered out

I’m too tired
To even eat a pierogi
I’m logy
(And I love pierogies!)

I’m tired!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Honest I Do

I love you
Honest I do

When I tell you that you are my dear
Don't you know that I am so sincere

You can rely upon my veracity
For honesty I have an endless capacity

My declaration of love is guileless
I dont even know what a lie is

I'd never cheat on you, I wouldn't philander
When I say I love you only I say it with candor

I love you
Honest I do

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Honest I Do,” you might also like girl group music.

Confused

First I’m sure that she loves me
Then her love I’m sure I’m losing
Love is so confusing

She said that she hated me
And then we cuddled
Am I confused?
Yes, I’m befuddled

She wrote “I love you, you idiot”
In her latest text
Am I confused?
Yes, I’m perplexed

She says she loves ice cream
But she hates custard
Am I confused?
Yes, I’m flustered

She says “No you shouldn’t”
Then she says, “Yes, you must”
Am I confused?
Yes, I’m nonplussed

Because first I’m sure that she loves me
Then her love I’m sure I’m losing
Love is so confusing

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Dios is Spanish for God

Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God

The one who created the oceans
And the lands from sea to sea
Call Him God or Allah or Krishna
By any name He is the deity

When a Spaniard says “Vaya con Dios”
He’s hoping God will watch over you
When a Frenchman wants to say “I’ll see you in heaven”
That’s when he says adieu

You know, it isn’t easy to be made a god
It’s hard to be deified
It’s even harder to kill a god
That's a thing that we call deicide

Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God
Dios is Spanish for God

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Dios is Spanish for God,” you might also like the Buena Vista Social Club.

New Year

2010 is on its way
Its onset I am sensing
2009 is past and gone
2010's commencing

The New Year starts just when it will
Its arrival you can't hasten
It starts at midnight, January First
That is when the New Year is nascent

A friend sent me a New Years card
That made me the card's recipient
The card read, Hope you have
A happy year that is now incipient (just starting!)

2010 has just begun
The future, you just can't know it
The year is only starting right now
The year is still inchoate

Do you know what Auld Lang Syne means?
Not that many people know
Auld Lang Syne is a Scottish phrase
It means a long, long time ago

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review