H O M Spells Man

The Spanish say hombre
The French say homme
H O M spells man
No matter where you're from
No matter where you're from

If you kill a man
In a courtroom you'll be tried
The crime you will be charged with
Is homicide

Chimps and gorillas
Have human-like features
We call them hominids
They're human-like creatures

A man who stays cheerful
In a lousy economy
Is a good-natured fellow
A model of bonhomie

Did I ever tell you
About my Uncle Gus?
He's only four foot six
He's a homunculus

The Spanish say hombre
The French say homme
H O M spells man
No matter where you're from
No matter where you're from

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Animal Kingdom

If an animal gives milk
Like a cow or a camel
It's a mammal

All the worms in the Earth
And all of their kids
Are annelids

Creatures with external skeletons
And segmented bods
Are arthropods (like a crab or an insect)

Single-celled, microscopic
Creatures, you ought to know-a
Are protozoa (like amoebas and flagellates)

Mammals that live in the water
Needn't fear dehydration
They're cetaceans (like a whale or a dolphin)

They're all part of the animal kingdom

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Bird Words

A man whose wife nags him all day is henpecked
A man with a burden he can't shake has an albatross around his neck
And I think you should know
A person who admits a big mistake has got to eat crow
These are bird words!

Somebody with a big advantage is sitting in the catbird seat
A person who tattles on his friends is a stool pigeon, that person's indiscreet
And if you are a sitting duck
You're a defenseless target, if you're attacked you are out of luck
These are bird words!

Bird Words!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Declaration of Independence

The Declaration of Independence says:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident"
That means they're clear for all to see
"that all men are created equal, endowed by their Creator"
That means God gave them that equality for free
"with certain unalienable rights"
Which means they can't be taken away
"among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness"
That's what the Declaration of Independence does say!

And that's not all it says. It continues

"To secure these rights, Governments are instituted"
A fancy way of saying that they are begun
"deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed"
Their power's based on the agreement of everyone
"And when they become destructive of these ends, "
When the government fails its citizens
"it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it"
The people can just get together and demolish it

That's what the Declaration of Independence says!

Now think for a moment about what this means
It means you're not beholden to kings or queens
When it's time to choose a government, you get your say
Because the people have the power in the USA

Thanks to the Declaration of Independence!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Hemi, Semi, and Demi

Hemi, semi, and demi
Three prefixes that all mean "half"
Do we really need three? If you ask me
It's a halfway interesting mystery

A hemisphere is half a sphere
Think of half the globe
A semicircle is half a circle
Like the bottom half of your earlobe

Semiformal means "kind of formal"
You can dress to half the nines
A demigod is a lesser god
One parent is human and one divine

Semiannual means every six months
Six months is half a year
A demitasse is a half a cup
When you only need half as much liquid cheer

Hemi, semi, and demi
Three prefixes that all mean "half"
Do we really need three? Don't ask me!
All I'm going to do is shrug and laugh

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

You're So Immature

You're so immature
You're so silly and naive
Here are words that say how sure
I am that you're immature

Hallo!
You're callow
You're young and lack experience
Your smile
Is juvenile
You laugh at things that make no sense
(because you're such a baby)

I must croon
You're jejune
Like a little child you have no clue
I'm sure you'll
Be puerile
'Til long after this song is through

You're so immature
You're so silly and naive
I've sung some words that say how sure
I am that you're immature

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

P E D Spells Foot

Put your foot on the pedal and go
PED spells "foot" in Latin don't you know

An animal with four feet is a quadruped
That's four feet that can carry it up on ahead
A quadruped

Someone who takes a walk is a pedestrian
He uses his feet to move along the best he can
A pedestrian

Someone who can't move forward is impeded
Like a man whose feet are shackled, he's defeated
Impeded

A statue's feet stand firmly on a pedestal
That's the truth, I don't care if your friend said it's bull
A pedestal

Put your foot on the pedal and go
PED spells "foot" in Latin don't you know

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

It's Hot!

It's hot!
It's hot!

When the heat is excessive
It's oppressive

It's hot!

When it's so hot you feel horrid
It's torrid

It's hot!

When the heat could melt your ring
It's sweltering

It's hot!

When you wish you could just be disappearing
It's searing

It's hot!

When the heat's way more than trifling
It's stifling

It's hot!
It's hot!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Evil Everywhere

There is evil everywhere
There's no use to deny it
This song can't make it go away
But it can help you describe it

If you have no morals you are certainly depraved
You'd likely do most anything, your soul cannot be saved

Corrupt implies an evil you acquired from another
As in "He was a nice boy 'til he was corrupted by his brother!"

If your actions are so wicked that they pain us
The things you do can surely be described as heinous

I know this fellow who is strange, with a sheep he flirted
There's no doubt about it, that fellow is perverted

If you're like a devil, if some day in Hell you'll frolic
People might say accurately you're diabolic

There is evil everywhere
There's no use to deny it
This song can't make it go away
But it can help you describe it

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Lots of Laughs

There are many different types of laughter
If I sing them to you now you might remember them after

You bite into some food that is really bitter
Your friend sees your face and he starts to titter

You notice that your teacher is a big nose picker
You know you shouldn't laugh but you start to snicker

A laugh that sounds like a bird is called a cackle
If it's loud enough, it will raise your hackles

The funniest thing that you ever saw
Is likely to cause you to guffaw

When you laugh real loud, that's called a chortle
We need to learn to laugh because we're mortal

There are many different types of laughter
If I sing them to you now you might remember them after

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

War and Peace

P A C and B E L
Are the Latin roots for peace and war
You can have one but you can't have both
Because when it comes to peace and war
It's a case of either/or

(We want P A C--PEACE)

Magellan sailed across an ocean
That was so peaceful he thought it was terrific
The ocean didn't have a name
So he called it the Pacific

I have a friend who will not fight
Fighting is a thing he does resist
He believes peace is the answer
He is called a pacifist

If you've got a shrieking baby
If that baby is a crier
You can calm him down and get some peace
By giving him a pacifier

(Give us B E L--WAR!)

I know something 'bout the Civil War
Do you think that I should tell 'em? [YEAH!]
The years before the Civil War
Are sometimes called the antebellum

A war against the government
Usually does not go well
Those who fight the government
Are called rebels, they rebel

Nations that fight one another
Can be called belligerents
They fight for peace but wind up dead
Or injured as a consequence
In this way, war does not make sense

P A C and B E L
Are the Latin roots for peace and war
You can have one but you can't have both
Because when it comes to peace and war
It's a case of either/or

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

In Other Words

My best friend is throwing a party
I can hardly wait for it to commence
I'm anticipating all the fun well have
Im thinking it will be immense

In other words it'll be great fun
I want the party to start and the waiting to be done

There's going to be some entertainment
Yeah, there's going to be refreshments there
We might get a little unruly
When the stereo starts to blare

In other words, well play our music loud
Well eat and drink and play games and be a wild crowd

Were going to have a party! Were going to have a party!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Disconsolate

I am disconsolate
I cannot be consoled
I have a sadness
That cannot be controlled

I am demoralized
My confidence is shaken
I could not be lonelier
I feel so forsaken

And I appreciate your trying to enliven me
But I dont want to be cheered up, cant you see

That I'm disconsolate
I can't be consoled
I have a sadness
That cannot be controlled

I am demoralized
My confidence is shaken
I could not be lonelier
I feel so forsaken

So leave me alone!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Theatre

We're going to the theatre
To the theatre we will go
Here are some words that you can use
To describe the show

If it's early in the afternoon
When you see a play
The show that you are seeing
Is called a matinee

When the play begins
The actors go to their positions
You learn the characters' backgrounds
That's called the exposition

The leading actor in the play
You simply can't resist
He is the hero of the play
He's the protagonist

The characters in the play
They talk to one another
This part is called the dialogue
It helps move the plot futher

You get to find out if the play
Ends the way you want
When do you get to find that out?
During the dénouement

We're going to the theatre
To the theatre we will go
And now you have some words to use
To describe the show

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

We've Got Hope

We've got hope, we've got hope, we've got hope

On a brighter future we're bankin'
You can call us sanguine
We can't be sure 'cause we're not clairvoyant
But about the future we're buoyant

We've got hope, we've got hope, we've got hope

Do you think we're going bananas?
Then call us Pollyannas
Do we lack the proper caution?
You can call us all Panglossian
But we don't think our hope is excessive
Because the future looks so impressive

We've got hope, we've got hope, we've got hope
We've got hope, we've got hope, we've got hope

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Bible Words

Well, the Bible is a great book but it uses some words
That in normal conversation aren't very often heard
Like cubit, rend, and harlot
Beget, beseech and smite
If you don't know what these words mean
Let me set you right

A cubit is the distance from your elbow to your fingertip
When you rend your clothing, you just grab it and rip

A harlot is a women who's romantically wild
Beget is just a fancy way to say "to have a child"

To beseech means to plead with somebody to do what is right
To smite means to hit somebody with all of your might

The Bible is a great book but it uses some words
That in normal conversation aren't very often heard
That's why we call them Bible words

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Quiescent Night

Quiescent night
Sanctified night
Ubiquitous calm
Ubiquitous light
Round yon virgin matriarch and child
Sanctified neonate tender and mild
Sleep in empyrean peace
Sleep in empyrean peace

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

I Saw You

At the state fair I espied
You on a ride
You didn't try to hide

At the zoo I caught a glimpse
Of you by the chimps
You liked the one that limps

At the art museum I did discern
You with a look of concern
By a Grecian urn

But in the end I did not detect you
Anywhere I should not expect to
Now I know I was incorrect to
Follow you around
I bet that's why you frowned
When you saw me

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Common Mistakes Part II

Common mistakes (part 2)
That everybody makes (including you)
The kind that make grammarians say
"Give me a break!"

(Confusing disinterested and uninterested)

Disinterested means objective
Like a judge who's just and fair
While someone who's uninterested
Is someone who just does not care

(Misspelling bizarre)

B I Z A R R E
Means as strange as strange can be
B A Z A A R
Is a marketplace where you might spend a dinar

(Imply or infer?)

If I say "Dad's angry with you!"
I'm implying you should hide
If you go hide in the closet
You've inferred what I implied

(Immensity or enormity?)

Use the word immensity
For things of great size or intensity
Enormity should not be used
Unless great evil is accused

(Eminent or imminent?)

Eminent with an E
Means as respected as can be
Imminent with an I
Means "It's going to happen in the wink of an eye"

Common mistakes (part 2)
That everybody makes (including you)
The kind that make grammarians say
"Give me a break!"

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Tomorrow is Election Day

Tomorrow our great nation
A president will choose
Then with great anticipation
It will watch the tv news

To see who's our next president
Obama or McCain
Whoever wins, some folks will love
While others will disdain

For months and months we have endured
A campaign that was vicious
The insults flew both fast and hard
Both sides were quite malicious

They lied about one another
What they said was pure slander
Then they'd turn around and promise voters everything
That's what you call a pander

But soon it will be over
And we'll see how it ends
The victor and the also-ran
Will shake hands and be friends

Yes, we will watch attentively
All of the news transmissions
And then on Wednesday we'll return
To ignoring politicians

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Here Come the Ghosts

Here come the ghosts
Here come the ghosts
Here come the words for ghosts

A poltergeist makes sure you know that he is there
He loves to makes noises and throws objects in the air

A zombie is a person who returns from the dead
You might call him a revenant if you're well read

A phantom, a specter, and an apparition
These are all words that mean "a ghost-like vision"

A spirit that controls a place is called a numen
I don't know what it is, but I know it's not human

Here come the ghosts
Here come the ghosts
Here come the words for ghosts

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

EU is Good

EU is good
I know that sounds funny
But when "you" is spelled E-U
Then it's right on the money

A sound that is pleasingly sweet and harmonic
Sounds really good so we say it's euphonic

When we are so happy that we're all singing "Gloria"
We're feeling so good we say we're feeling euphoria

If it makes you feel good, if its effect is tonic
A thing can be described as eudemonic

A pet that is old and sick deserves a good end
That pet is euthanized, goodbye old friend

I spoke at a funeral, I spoke well of the dead
My speech was a eulogy, good things I said

EU is good
I know that sounds funny
But when "you" is spelled E-U
Then it's right on the money


by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Collective Nouns

A group of dogs is called a pack, a group of cows a herd
Lots of special groups have their own special word

A group of ducks is called a brace
A group of trees a stand
A group of donkeys is a pace
And a group of coyotes a band

A group of seals is called a bob
A group of leopards a leap
A group of kangaroos is a mob
And a drove is a group of sheep

And a lodge is a group of beavers
A group of snakes is a nest
A congregation is a group of believers
That's the kind that a preacher likes best

A group of dogs is called a pack, a group of cows a herd
Lots of special groups have their own special word

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

English words That Came From Spanish

English words that came from Spanish

Someone who takes the law in his own hands, he
Is known as a vigilante
When your country is betrayed
The one who did it is a renegade

Someone who loads cargo from ship to shore
Is known as a stevedore
A cowboy who works hard for his dinero
Is known as a vaquero

A military government, in case you wonder
Is known as a junta

English words that came from Spanish

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Jerks

You can call someone a jerk
If that person is a worm
But rather than call him a jerk
Why not use a more precise term?

If someone's so rude and vulgar
That he's being quite an ass
Rather than call him a jerk
You can call him crass

If someone is such a tightwad
That it makes you furious
Rather than call him a jerk
Say that he's penurious

If someone acts holier than thou
But is a phony
Rather than call him a jerk
Accuse him of sanctimony

If someone complains so much
Talking to him is perilous
Rather than call him a jerk
Just say he is querulous

If someone is hated by
All who are nice and sensible
Rather than call him a jerk
Say he's reprehensible

You can call someone a jerk
If that person is a worm
But rather than call him a jerk
Why not use a more precise term?

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

F I D Means Faith

I give you my bona fides
You can trust in what I say
F I D spells faith in Latin
F I D words on the way
Let's learn F I D words today

Someone who has turned his back
Upon his faith and God as well
Who rejects his own religion
Is known as an infidel

Someone who cannot be trusted
You can call perfidious
If he's also very sneaky
You can also call him insidious

If you lack faith in yourself
If your confidence is spent
You are feeling meek and modest
You are feeling diffident

Tell your story in a court of law
Where it's written down to save it
Make sure you have told the truth
When you sign that affidavit

I give you my bona fides
You can believe what I say
F I D spells faith in Latin
We learned F I D words today

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "F I D Means Faith," you might also like Bob Marley.

The Way You Walk

For me to know the way you're feeling we don't even have to talk
I can tell the way you're feeling from the way you walk

When you're feeling sad and sluggish, when you've got the blues
You plod and trudge like you're in a pair of concrete shoes

When you're feeling more relaxed, when your cares all start to fade
That's when you start to saunter and promenade

When you're feeling so proud I see you sucking in your gut,
Hold your head high, stick your chest out, then you start to strut

And when you're feeling aimless, that's when you start to traipse
You meander like a windblown leaf across the landscapes

For me to know how you are feeling we don't even have to talk
I can tell the way you're feeling from the way you walk

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Way You Walk," you might also like Fats Domino.

Cata Means Down

The Greeks invented the catapult
To hurl rocks down upon their foes
The prefix 'cata-' means down in Greek
Its use in other words I'll disclose
In my song, here's how it goes

When a change goes down due to a force that it cannot resist
The thing that caused the change is called a catalyst

Cemeteries down below the ground were first built in ancient Rome
They borrowed 'cata' from the Greeks to call these places catacombs

When a person's in a stupor like he's always on the Chronic
There are some who would describe him as catatonic

Katrina was a cataclysm, a flood as violent as can be
It destroyed New Orleans, that was truly a catastrophe

The Greeks invented the catapult
To hurl rocks down upon their foes
The prefix 'cata-' means down in Greek
Its use in other words now everybody knows

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Auto Means Self

I saw my favorite rock star today
I asked him for an autograph
He said “Yes” but only signed his first name
He only gave me half of his autograph

He told me that he had written a book
Entitled “All About Me”
The story of his life, he wrote it himself
It was his autobiography

Because auto means “self” and that’s just the way it auto be

I asked him how he learned to play guitar
He said, "Now here's actual fact
I taught myself to play the guitar
I am an autodidact"

I took his picture with my camera
I quickly snapped two or three
The camera wound the film all by itself
It wound it automatically

Because auto means "self" and that’s just the way it auto be

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Looking For A Fight

I, I, I, I, I, I'm looking for a fight!

I want to hit you with my fist
I am your antagonist
I am feeling the opposite of gracious
I want to fight, I am pugnacious
Truculent's another word that you might
Use to describe how much I want to fight

I, I, I, I, I, I'm looking for a fight!

I'm liable to start yelling and making a fuss
That's because I am obstreperous
If you prefer you can say I'm refractory
If it means mad and stubborn, your description's satisfactory
Let's have an altercation or a melee
I don't care what you call it I just want to fight today

I, I, I, I, I, I'm looking for a fight!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Stop!

I want you to stop making noise 'cause you really are annoying me!

I am asking you to cease
Making that noise and disturbing the peace
I am hoping you have it in you
The racket you're making to discontinue
If you refuse to desist
I am going to get very angry

Stop making noise 'cause you're really annoying me

And the next time you're thinking about being a pain
I'm going to ask that you refrain
Just don't start, that's what to do
Noisy activity you should eschew
Think about the sanity of your poor parents
And practice the fine art of forbearance

If you don't make noise you won't be annoying me
Thank yooooouuuuuuuuuuuu!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Sorry

So many different ways to say 'I'm sorry, sorry!'

What I did, it wasn't right
And for that I am contrite
The cruel things I said and meant
For those I am penitent
My regret is in full force
It is deep, I feel remorse
Now that my conscience has started to function
I am feeling great compunction
I'm aware of my disgrace and
That's why you can say I'm chastened

So many different ways to say 'I'm sorry, sorry!'

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Sorry," you might also like power pop music.

Port

Ships carry their cargo to ports
Port means carry in words of all sorts

You can carry around documents in your portfolio
For clothes and larger items you might want a portmanteau
The first is not so heavy because it's thin and flat
The second is hard to carry because it's big and fat

If you want your bags carried at a hotel or railway station
Give them to the porter, that is his occupation
He transports your bags to your room or your seat
Don't forget to tip him, he works so he can eat

A thing that is easy to carry is described as portable
If it's not expensive it is also affordable
People who can carry on an easy conversation
Are said to have rapport and deserve our admiration

Ships carry their cargo to ports
Port means carry in words of all sorts

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Doctor's Visit

The other day I woke up afflicted
Just like that, I was lying in my sick bed
I said, "This stinks, I don't want to be sick
I'll go see the doctor, get an analgesic
(That's a kind of medicine you take to get rid of your pain)

The doctor's exam was quite meticulous
She studied me so carefully I thought it was ridiculous
Finally she said, "You've got a germ
My diagnosis is: you're infirm"
(Wait a minute, that's just a fancy way of saying I'm sick! I already knew that!)

I said, "Hey doc, don't want to be ungracious
But you're diagnosis isn't really perspicacious
You have no insight, that's really quite curious.
She said, "I'm not a real doctor; my credentials are spurious."
(But I play one on tv!)

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

M-A-G-N Means Gigantic

M-A-G-N means gigantic
Think big, even bigger than Big Ben
Imagine something big and you'll remember
The meaning of M-A-G-N

Take a small picture make it big as the sky
That's a picture that you just did magnify

Measure an item if you're in the mood
When you know how big it is, you've measured its magnitude

A corporate giant has wealth vast and great
That's a person we describe as a magnate

Do something generous in a bighearted way
You'll do something magnanimous, that's more than A OK

M-A-G-N means gigantic
Think big, even bigger than Big Ben
Imagine something big and you'll remember
The meaning of M-A-G-N

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

I Cry Each Day

I cry each day
In a different way

On Monday I howl endlessly
All day I'm loudly bawling
I'm caterwauling

On Tuesday I cry and complain
My behavior's most uncivil
That's when I snivel

On Wednesday I cry like an infant
Who hurt himself by falling
That's when I'm squalling

On Thursday like a tired child
I'm whimpering and drooling
That's when I'm mewling

On Friday I wake up and scream
Then spend the whole day howling
That's when I'm yowling

On Saturday I wail in grief
As though life's lost all meaning
That's when I'm keening

On Sunday I don't cry at all
I have myself a fun day
And wait for Monday!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "I Cry Each Day," you might also like The Louvin Brothers.

Party

We're going to have a party, it's going to be great
Each guest has got a different personality trait

Alex isn't friendly, Alex is aloof
Instead of mixing in, he'll sit alone on the roof

Vera is quite talkative, Vera is verbose
She's going to talk your ear off if you get too close

Greg's a party animal, Greg is gregarious
His stories are engrossing and his jokes are hilarious

Melanie is very sad, she is melancholy
She is quite unlike Jolene, who really is quite jolly

Sid is such a brownnose, Sid is sycophantic
His need to flatter everyone truly is gigantic

Ann just loves to argue, she's quite antagonistic
No matter what you say to her, she's bound to go ballistic

Hope that you can make it to the party!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Stealing

The Bible says "Thou shalt not steal"
But it doesn't say you can't talk about stealing
Here are some words you might want to use
When talking 'bout stealing is how you're feeling

If you take money from your employer
That on the business was supposed to be spent
That is called embezzlement

If you steal someone else's work
And when the teacher asks "Is that yours?" You say "Yes'm"
What you've done is plagiarism

If you steal a thing that's worth so little
It's something that you couldn't even get a dollar bill for
What you did was pilfer

If you take a walk on someone else's property
You surely are encroaching
But if you hunt or fish while you are there
What you're doing is poaching

A conquering army swoops down like thunder
What they steal is called their plunder

There are many types of stealing and they're all wrong
To remember which is which just think of this song

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Carefree

I'm having a carefree day
Everything is looking A OK
You can call me Insouciant
Or nonchalant
Either way you're saying I'm carefree
To which I agree!

Once I worried about everything
You could say that I was apprehensive
I spent my days thinking deep dark thoughts
That's why everybody said I was pensive
You never heard a person with a sadder whine
My mood could only be described as saturnine
Until she took my hand and said, "You're not so bad, and you're mine!" [sigh]

I'm having a carefree day
Everything is looking A OK
You could call me insouciant
Or nonchalant
Either way you're saying I'm carefree
To which I agree (you're in love)
In love and carefree (feeling fine)
In love and carefree (no longer saturnine)
Yes I'm in love

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Carefree," you might also like The Fleetwoods.

Yo Mama

Yo Mama, Yo Mama, Yo Mama, Yo Mama

Yo mama is so obtuse
She hangs your clothing with a noose
She sold her car to raise gas money
She's so ignorant, it's funny

Yo mama's face is so unsightly
It is in my nightmares nightly
Compared to her Marilyn Manson
Looks just like Scarlett Johansson

Yo mama is so minuscule
She could drown in a wading pool
She needs a ladder to get in a chair
She has to cuff her underwear

Yo mama's so antiquated
Moses was a man she dated
She once had a pet dinosaur
That's all I've got, I have no more

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Perry Gets Around

Perry is a guy who covers lots of ground
In fact his name is Greek for 'about' or 'around'
For being close to the action Perry is renowned
That's why his name is often used as a starting sound

A regular dentist takes a look at your teeth
While a periodontist looks above and beneath
He checks the gums around your teeth

When the moon is as close to the Earth as can be
That part of its orbit's called its perigee
No closer can it be

And you know how the Earth revolves around the sun?
When it can't get any closer, that's its perihelion
It's journey toward the sun is done

Perry travels all around, he's so energetic
He's always on the move, he's peripatetic
It's a good thing he's athletic

Perry is a guy who gets around!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Perry Gets Around," you might also like The Beach Boys.

America the Pulchritudinous

Oh pulchritudinous
For capacious skies
For saffron waves of grain
For amethyst mountains majesty
Above the bounteous plains
America America
May God slough grace upon ya
And for all eternity
Bless you with fraternity
From Maine to Califania!

Happy Holidays 2007

If you want to be a part of the latest craze
Just take your favorite greeting for the holidays
Then use some synonyms to write a paraphrase
Change the words but not the meaning that the greeting conveys

May your Kwanzaa be full of elation (hope that it's as happy as can be)
Hope your Christmas bring you exaltation (celebrating 'neath the Christmas tree)
May your Hannukah be blissful, full of joy and mirth
And may New Year's Eve inaugurate an age of peace and love on Earth

Let's wish all Muslims an idyllic Eid al-Adha
And for the Chinese, a delirious Dong-Zhi
Let everyone on Earth be a persona grata
Blessed with the Maker's love and sweet tranquility

Have a festive Festival of Light (Happy Hanukkah is what you're sayin')
May you have a jubilant Yuletide (Have a Merry Christmas eve and day and)
Hope you have a jovial Kwanzaa, happy as can be
And my New Year bring good tidings, meaning better news for you and me!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Happy Holidays," you might also like The Phil Spector Christmas album.

Festival of Lights

Way back in the olden days
Back in antiquity
An evil befell the Hebrew temple
A great iniquity

The conquerors of Judea
Defiled its holy site
They made the place unholy
Doing things that aren't right

Then a group of freedom fighters
Repelled those cruel invaders
Their name, it was the Maccabees
The Jewish liberators

The condition of the Temple
Was a low down dirty shame
And worst of all, there was a dearth of oil
To fuel the Eternal Flame

There was only oil for one day
When eight days were required
If that oil couldn't last eight days
The flame, it would expire

Miraculously, the oil burned
For eight days and eight nights
And that's why Hanukkah is called
The Festival of Lights!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Festival of Lights" you might also like Mickey Katz.

Thanksgiving Feast

Before we eat all of this food on our Thanksgiving table
I'd like to describe the feast before us as best as I am able
This spread of dishes is so vast in scope, ya
Might well call it a cornucopia

There's gobs of greens and bounteous beans
And a plethora of potatoes
There's a plenteous plate of turkey meat
And a teeming tureen of tomatoes
With copious cranberry sauce
And more than sufficient stuffing
There is no doubt when this meal is done
We'll all be huffing and puffing

Remember not to overeat so that you won't become sick
Now let us say a prayer of thanks, and please pass me the drumstick!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Thanksgiving Feast," you might also like The Bonzo Dog Band.

Back to the Farm

I'm tired of the city
I want to go back to the farm
Leave behind this frenetic life
And return to rustic charm
Return to rustic charm

I long again to frolic
Through the countryside bucolic
Where life is quiet and peaceful
It's a pastoral Nirvana
Where the farmland is so fecund
Crops grow in just one second
And the pastures filled with verdure
Are the green as an iguana

I'm tired of the city
I want to go back to the farm
Leave behind this frenetic life
And return to rustic charm
Return to rustic charm

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Back to the Farm," you might also like country rock.

The Ghost of Noah Webster

I am the ghost of Noah Webster
I wrote America's first dictionary
Every Halloween I return to Earth
To teach synonyms for "scary"

Alex was so scared that he couldn't move for trying
He saw something that was petrifying

Something very strange scared my cat, Dearie
She saw something that was very eerie

Cindy started toward a haunted house but wound up swerving
She found the thought of going in unnerving

Who would not be scared by a grave robber's job?
That's a profession that is most macabre

I am the ghost of Noah Webster
I wrote America's first dictionary
I'll be back again next Halloween
To teach synonyms for "scary"

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Ghost of Noah Webster," you might also like Tom Waits.

Phil is So Full of Himself

Phil is so full of himself

Phil is in love with himself
That's his main characteristic
Some folks call him egotistical
Others, narcissistic

Phil thinks he can do no wrong
He cannot be defeated
Some folks, they call him cocksure
Others say conceited

Phil thinks he's so important
He's so proud, it's naughty
Some folks would call him arrogant
Others call him haughty

Phil, he just cannot stop boasting
When he walks he swaggers
Some folks would say he gloats
Others call him a braggart

And that's why I don't like Phil

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Phil is So Full of Himself," you might also like Mississippi John Hurt.

Rehab

I want you to go to rehab, yeah, yeah, yeah

Lately your mood has been so erratic
One day you're depressed, the next you're ecstatic
Your appearance is slovenly and you're fusty
You smell like a landfill and your skin is crusty
In short, as a result of your addiction
Your life is in a state of dereliction
Which means that it's bad and it continues to worsen
You've become a most duplicitous person
Which means you tell lies without the slightest hesitation
To get what you want you'll tell any fabrication
And when your friends try to tell you that you've lost your way
You just talk about Ray Charles and Donnie Hathaway, no!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Rehab," you might also like reggae music.

Don't Call Me Fatso, Beanpole

Don't call me fatso, beanpole
Don't call me beanpole, fatso

If you really have to taunt
You may say that I am gaunt
Perhaps you could be persuaded
To say I'm emaciated
I'm the opposite of brawny
So you can call me scrawny

But don't call me beanpole, fatso
Don't call me fatso, beanpole

Yes it's true I fill my clothes
So you can call me adipose
If by my size you are stunned
Why don't you call me rotund?
I know it's no compliment
But you may call me corpulent

But don't call me fatso, beanpole!
Don't call me beanpole, fatso!
by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Don't Call Me Fatso, Beanpole," you might also like Sly and the Family Stone.

Pan is the Greek Word for All

Pan is the Greek word for 'all'
A panorama is a view that goes in all directions
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
A panacea is a cure for all life's imperfections
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
A panegyric is a speech of praise that all must hear
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
A pandemic is a widespread illness that all people fear
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
Once all the continents were one, it was called Pangaea (pan-JEE-uh)
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
A pantheist believes in all the gods from A to Z-uh
(Pan is the Greek word for 'all')
Pan is the Greek word for 'all'

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Pan is the Greek Word for All," you might also like Afro-Pop.

Meditate

If you want to meditate
You must learn to concentrate
Focus your mind on a single thought

Do it a peaceful place
A serene and quiet space
Make yourself calm, do not be distraught

Log off your computer, turn off the television
Quarantine your cell phone, you won't regret the decision

Soon you will be meditating
Deep thoughts you'll be contemplating
With a calm and peaceful mind
Try it if you're so inclined!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Meditate," you might also like the music of Central Asia.

Hollywood Girls

When the Hollywood girls go wild
They must be exiled
From the mainstream population
Through a brief incarceration

Paris, Lindsay, and Nicole
Three girls who are totally out of control
To stay sober they cannot be persuaded
Every night they drink 'til they're inebriated

And though they are impaired when they leave the bars
They climb right behind the wheels of their Benz SLRs
And drive the wrong way down the highway or over someone's feet
You could say their actions are indiscreet
Which means that they don't give what they do much thought
That must explain why they always get caught

Because they lack even an ounce of discernment
They're taken off to jail for a little internment
And what's so crazy is that they could avoid this fuss
By getting a chauffeur or taking the bus

When the Hollywood girls go wild
They must be exiled
From the mainstream population
Through a brief incarceration

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

UNI Means One

Did you know that every snowflake is one of a kind?
Every single snowflake is unique
If you check your Latin dictionary I’m sure you’ll find
That U-N-I spells “one” in the language that the Romans used to speak

Have you heard a group of people singing one melody?
Listen to us sing in unison
Have you heard a politician calling for unity?
She’s asking us to stop our arguments and all join together as one

Think of all the stars and planets together as one
That one thing is called the universe
If you check your Latin dictionary I’m sure you’ll find
That U-N-I spells “one” in the language that the Romans used first

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Feel Like a Frenchman Blues

Woke up this morning
Felt as sad I can be
I was tired and bored and dissatisfied
You could say I was feeling ennui

Sometimes I want to say farewell
Give everybody my adieus
Lord I've never been so lowdown
I've got the 'feel like a Frenchman' blues

Whenever a party starts, I just want to leave
I don't enjoy my life any more, I've lost my joie de vivre

You know I just don't care what people do or say
I feel like I've seen it all before, it makes me so blasé

I've got a vague lowdown feeling that's got me in a haze
You might call it the blues, but me, I call it malaise

I can't find my comfort zone
I'm a man without milieus
Lord I've never been so lowdown
I've got the 'feel like a Frenchman' blues

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Feel Like a Frenchman Blues," you might also like punk blues.

LOC Means Talk

LOC means talk
LOC means talk
LOC and LOQ
Mean that talking's what I do

My name is DJ LOC
I am bold, I am audacious
I talk a lot, I am loquacious
I choose my words well so you know what is meant
I am eloquent, no word is misspent
I don't contribute to the noise pollution
My speech is clean and clear, I've got good elocution
And when I'm speaking, there's nobody else speaking but me
Every speech I give is a soliloquy
So don't criticize me, I don't need your obloquy
LOC means talk, you see, so that's what you call me, because

LOC means talk
LOC means talk
LOC or LOQ
Mean that talking's what I do

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Common Mistakes

Common mistakes
That everybody makes
The kind that make grammarians say
"Give me a break!"

(Misusing nonplussed)
When you say you are nonplussed
You're saying that you are confused
You are not saying you are calm
Although that's how the word's misused

(Confusing antidote and anecdote)
If you're bitten by a snake
An antidote is what you take
An anecdote's the tale you tell
Later, after you get well

(Ir-re-gard-less)
I don't care what you have heard
Irregardless is not a word
Lose the I-R at the start
And say regardless, you'll sound smart!

(Misspelling alter)
Altar spelled with an a
Describes a place where you can pray
While alter with an e means 'change'
The English language sure is strange!

Common mistakes
That everybody makes
The kind that make grammarians say
"Give me a break!"

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Animal Words

Animal words, animal words (love those animal words!)

An elephant is the biggest land mammal the world has ever seen
That's why we call a thing that's really big elephantine

A lion is the king of the jungle, a hero in all eyes
When we treat a person like a king, that's a person we lionize

A pig is fat and greedy, food he never will decline
If you know someone who's piggish you can call him porcine

A serpent, it can twist and turn and tangle like a vine
A road or line that does the same is described as serpentine

A sheep is meek and bashful, like some people that I know
I call those people sheepish, my description's apropos

Animal words, animal words (love those animal words!)

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Animal Words," you might also like funk music.

Smart

If you want to say you're smart
And you want to sound the part
Here is a lesson that you ought to take to heart

If you can solve tricky problems, if you love to troubleshoot
That's an indication that you're quite astute

If you're ahead of your class you're precocious and you're so smart
You might even be a prodigy like Wolfgang Mozart

If you know a million facts that you love to recite
There's no doubt about it, you are erudite

But if you love to show off that your knowledge is gigantic
Don't be surprised if people say that you are pedantic

If you want to say you're smart
And you want to sound the part
Here is a lesson that you ought to take to heart

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

The Hairy Song

Say you have a friend who looks like a bear
Because his body is covered in hair
You can tell that person that he is hirsute
That is a statement he cannot dispute

Perhaps your friend doesn’t mind being nappy
Maybe having body hair makes him quite happy
That’s fine, live and let live’s my credo
So long as I don’t have to look at him in a Speedo

But if your friend doesn’t like his situation
You ought to recommend depilation
Something like a Brazilian waxing
You ought to warn him it’s a little bit taxing

When it’s all over and your friend is streamlined
As smooth and hairless as a cheese rind
He will be rid of his source of irritation
And you’ll have helped solve a hairy situation

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Hairy Song," you might also like de la Soul.

Poverty

It's true I live in poverty
But I don't like to be called poor
So I've learned a few new words
That mean the same as 'poor'
But to me have more allure

Because I do not even have two cents
I say 'I live in a state of indigence'
I do not have enough to pay my bills
I am insolvent, mine are empty tills

I save the best I can, I am quite frugal
I don't even put raisins in my kugel
My savings are too puny to discuss
That's why I say I'm impecunious

It's true I live in poverty
But I don't like to be called poor
So I've learned a few new words
That mean the same as 'poor'
But to me have more allure

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Mother

Let's spell Mother!
Let's spell Mother!
Let's spell Mother!

M is for maternal
A fancy word for "motherly"
O's for optimistic
How positive can mother be!

T is for tenacious
She never quits at all
H is for heedful
She's alert and on the ball

E is for effusive
She's generous with praise
And R is for resourceful
She solves problems many ways

If, when you think of your mom,
This song does not ring true
At the very least, remember
Without her there'd be no you

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Mother," you might also like barbershop quartets.

Tax Words

If you have a job you're paid for
What you earn is called income
On the 15th day of April
You must give the government some

The government collects the taxes
To pay for things it must tend to
Roads and police, schools and parks
Are paid for with tax revenue

If you have got a dependant
Like a daughter or a son
You can subtract from your taxes
That is called a deduction

But you must pay all your taxes
Every last cent without fail
Paying less is called evasion
Do it and you'll go to jail

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Tax Words," you might also like middle-period Beatles music.

Quagmire

If you had a car with four flat tires
You'd be stuck where you are, you'd be in a quagmire

If you've got a load that you lack the back to pull
You cannot move that load, that load is intractable

If you have no detergent but you need to do laundry
You need to do what can't be done, you're in a quandary

Try to feed a family on just one noodle
It cannot be done, the situation is futile

If you have a farm and can't even make grass grow
Your farm is a failure, you could call it a fiasco

When your problems come faster and faster and faster
You might wind up with a debacle, a complete disaster

These are words used by critics of the war in Iraq
Agree or disagree, now you'll understand their smack

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

New Year's Resolution

If you have a bad habit you want to quit here's a solution
Now's the time to make yourself a New Year's resolution
Or if you'd prefer, you can call it an asseveration
Either way you're promising bad-habit eradication

If you eat so much it's making your pants buttons bust
Resolve to be abstemious rather than gluttonous

If you are so greedy that it's making you vicious
Resolve to be magnanimous instead of avaricious

If you are lazy, as though work you are all-ar-gic
Resolve to be industrious rather than be lethargic

If you love yourself so much that it's your main characteristic
Resolve to modest be instead of narcissistic

If you have a bad habit you want to quit here's a solution
Now's the time to make yourself a New Year's resolution
Or if you'd prefer, you can call it an asseveration
Either way you're promising bad-habit eradication

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "New Year's Resolution," you might also like dancehall reggae.

The Happy Song

Once I was sad
My life had never been so grim
But now I'm so happy
Or to use some synonyms

I am exultant,euphoric, blissful and elated
Exuberant, jubilant, and exhilarated
If I were any happier I'd have to be sedated
I'm exultant, exuberant, blissful, euphoric, jubilant, elated…and exhilarated!

I am exultant,euphoric, blissful and elated
Exuberant, jubilant, and exhilarated
If I were any happier I'd have to be sedated
I'm exultant, exuberant, blissful, euphoric, jubilant, elated…and exhilarated!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Happy Song," you might also like Brian Wilson.

Bene

Benny is a good boy
He has a favorite game
Benny likes to use words
That start with his name
Now Benny is unusual, he spells his name differently
Benny likes to spell his name B E N E

Bene's never mean or cruel
He knows that anger makes no sense
He'd rather wish the whole world well
That boy's full of benevolence

Benny likes to help out others
He's what you'd call a good actor
He's the kind of person whom
You might well call a benefactor

Benny helps out charities
All his work is voluntary
All the people that he helps
Are his beneficiaries

Benny's a religious fellow
Follows his faith with conviction
He says many blessings though
He'd rather call them benedictions

Benny is a good boy
He has a favorite game
Benny likes to use words
That start with his name
Now Benny is unusual, he spells his name differently
Benny likes to spell his name B E N E

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

The French Word for Sleep is Dormir

The French word for sleep is dormir
When you hear the root dorm you know that sleepy time is near

College students sleep in a dormitory
Some sleep in the classroom, but that’s a different story

A dormant volcano is one that’s at rest
That’s the type of volcano that most people like the best

A dormer is a window built into an angled frame
It’s most often found in bedrooms, that’s how it got its name

A dormouse is a rodent that sleeps through the day
It hibernates in winter, it just sleeps its life away

A sleeping pill’s a medicine with dormitive power
You can say it’s soporific, it’ll make you sleep for hours

The French word for sleep is dormir
When you hear the root dorm you know that sleepy time is near

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Street Cred

I’ve got street cred because I mean what I say
The folks on my street believe the words I convey
I’ve got street cred ‘cause I do not deceive
Cred comes from Latin, it means “believe”

I don’t have to pay cash, that’s right, I said it!
The stores trust me so I can buy on credit
They know that I would never tell a lie
That’s why I’m known as a credible guy

No, there never is a reason to mislead
That is what I believe, that is my creed
I don’t ever put up a pretense
That’s why I’ve got maximum credence

I’ve got street cred because I mean what I say
The folks on my street believe the words I convey
I’ve got street cred ‘cause I do not deceive
Cred comes from Latin, it means “believe”



by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Social Classes

When I was a child I was destitute
My family had nothing in the way of loot
But I never lost sight of the American Dream
I knew someday I would rise to the top like cream

As soon as I became a strong young man
I got me a job working with my hands
I got a blue collar shirt and a yellow hard hat
I became a member of the proletariat

At nights I went to school to get a degree
So I could become a member of the bourgeoisie
Soon I had a desk job with real good pay
I could buy nice things and I liked it that way

I saved my money and invested wisely
All of my investments did very nicely
Now there’s a Rolex on my wrist and Gucci on my feet
I’m a member of society’s elite

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Nigerian E-Mail

I knew this guy who had prosperity
He had no need of loans or charity
He kept his money in a vault that was capacious
Which is to say that the vault was spacious

Then one day he received an email
Purportedly from a Nigerian female
It promised him a fortune if he’d assist her
He would have been better of if he’d dismissed her

My friend was rich but he wanted to be richer
His vision of the future was an opulent picture
So he signed on for what turned out to be a swindle
It wasn’t long before his affluence started to dwindle

And now my friend’s money is entirely depleted
Out of all his riches my friend was cheated
He’s become an indigent, he lost it all
Greed and a con man were his downfall

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Mare

Mare is the Latin word
For the ocean or the sea
It's the root of many English words
The root of them it be
Argh!
The root of them it be

The ocean it be kinda blue and it be kinda green
That's a color that we like to call aquamarine

A sailor is a person who could not be more seafarin'-er
Another word to call that salty dog would be a mariner

Soak your meat in liquid, soon your hunger you'll be sating
What you're doing to that meat, we call it marinating

Guess the word I'm thinking of and I'll give ye a dime
It means "related to the sea," the word is maritime

Dock your boat so it be safe in a harbor or marina
Sit upon the deck and laugh as though you're a hyena

Mare is the Latin word
For the ocean or the sea
It's the root of many English words
The root of them it be
Argh!
The root of them it be

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Delicious

Delicious, Delicious, Delicious

I like food that’s delectable
Succulent and toothsome too
I like food that’s savory
How ‘bout you?

You can make me happy
By offering a scrumptious dish
Drop it down in front of me
And I’ll scream “That’s delish!”

Succulent and savory
Delectable and toothsome too
All these words mean “Delicious”
And now it’s time to eat some stew

Yummmmmm

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Delicious," you might also like The Mills Brothers.

Quiet and Loud

You might find this song quite strange
It has a wide dynamic range
At first it starts out quite subdued
It has a peaceful, quiet mood

But then abruptly it does change
The music grows quite loud and strange
It reaches an unpleasant din
That sets your eardrums rattlin’

And then for reasons quite unknown
The song resumes its tranquil tone
Here’s something you don’t often see
A song that ends in cacophony

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Quiet and Loud," you might also like Esquivel.

Polly

Do you know a girl named Polly?
She has many traits by golly
In fact, her name in part expresses
The many qualities she possesses

Name a language she can't speak
I'll bet that you cannot
Polly speaks so many languages
She's a polyglot

Polly can tell you 'bout quantum physics
Or The Grapes of Wrath
She knows just about everything
She's a polymath

She sewed a dress of many colors
The colors are dramatic
When she wears that colorful dress
She's polychromatic

She sings in a great big chorus
With a group symphonic
The chorus has so many voices
It is polyphonic

Polly's married to four men
I think it's ridiculous
The police took her off to jail
They said she was polygamous

Do you know a girl named Polly?
She has many traits by golly
In fact, her name in part expresses
The many qualities she possesses

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Polly," you might also like Western Swing music.

The Halloween Song

This year on Halloween
Instead of saying 'Trick or Treat"
Why not try a different way
To say "You'd better give me something good to eat"

Say: "You ought to give me a ransom
A little bit of candy, I demand some
If you say 'no' I will commit a prank
You won't have anybody but yourself to thank"

Or you say: ""Here's my offer, you could call it extortion
Offer me candy, just a tiny portion
If you don't I will complete a caper:
I'll cover your car in toilet paper!"

One more choice: "If you were to offer me a bribe
I wouldn't do the thing that I'm about to describe
It's something that you might call an escapade:
I'm going to soap the windows of your Escalade!"

So this year say just what you mean
And have a save and happy Halloween!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Halloween Song," you might also like Huey "Piano" Smith and the Clowns.

Take the "I" Away From "Trains"

Trains
Can carry you across the plains
But take the I away from trains and you get trans-
A prefix that means “across” or “through”

An email carries your words way across town
Transmitting every single word that you wrote down
A piece of glass lets the sunlight shine right through
Because it is transparent, that’s something it can do

A motorcycle can take you across the land
Transporting you from Maine down to the Rio Grande
And if you ever take a trip across the sea
If the trip is transatlantic you might wind up in Paris

Trains
Can carry you across the plains
But take the I away from trains and you get trans-
A prefix that means “across” or “through”

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like Take the "I" Away From "Trains," you might also like George Jones.

Do You Know an Ingenue?

An ingénue
Is someone who
Would never tell a lie
She’s simple, young, and innocent
And never is a guy

You might say she’s ingenuous
Or you could say naive
They both mean “inexperienced”
And both are French words, I believe

But what of people who pretend
To be naive for evil ends?
We call them disingenuous
Don’t trust a word they say to us

An ingénue
Is someone who
Would never tell a lie
She’s simple, young, and innocent
And never is a guy

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Do You Know an Ingenue?" you might also like Edith Piaf.

Silly Hate Song

No two types of hatred are exactly the same
And each type has its own special name

Enmity, enmity
That's the hate you feel toward an enemy
When you get the feeling that it's time to go to war
Then you know the feeling the word "enmity" is for

But if it's for revenge that you do hanker
I would have say that you are feeling rancor
Rancor rots your brain just like a rancid fruit
Hey! Rancor and rancid share the same Latin root!

And when you call somebody a jerk or a phony
That's when you know you're feeling acrimony
When you want to start an acrimonious dispute
Just give somebody a one-finger salute

Let's review!

Enmity's the feeling that drives you to war
Rancor makes you feel that you should settle a score
Acrimony causes you to flip someone the bird
Instead of saying "hate," next time use a different word!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Silly Hate Song," you might also like Fats Domino.

I Agree

I agree! I agree!

When somebody asks of me
Whether or not I agree
I like to use a synonym
To answer affirmatively

Yes sir! I concur!
Don’t cry! I’ll comply!
Yes, yes! I acquiesce!
I subscribe to your position
Yes you have got my permission

I agree! I agree!

I give you my best assurance
With you I am in concurrence
My complicity is giant
What I mean is, I’m compliant
With your head I am not messin’
I am fully acquiescent
I subscribe to your position
Yes you have got my permission

I agree! I agree!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Rainy Day SAT Blues #4000

Well the rain it was torrential
On that October Saturday morning
As Billy headed off to take his SATs
His mother gave him this stern warning

"Don't get water on your answer sheet
Keep that paper free of hydration
Because a wet answer sheet can't be properly scored
And the result is grade deflation"

And Billy said, "Mom, I will be circumspect
Your advice I won't neglect
I'll keep it dry and I'll score high and I'll get into Rutgers"

With great care and diligence
Billy handed in a dry exam
But when the test was later graded
It was as sodden as a Quahog clam

You see the company that runs the SAT
Was a little nonchalant
It let those tests get wet causing Billy to get
A score he didn't earn or want

No, the company wasn't circumspect
Its behavior was abject
And the mistakes it made almost waylaid Billy's chances of getting into Rutgers

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Rainy Day SAT Blues #4000," you might also like Bruce Springsteen.

I Don't Want to be Lachrymose

I don't want to be lachrymose
But you've got my tears flowing
I don't want to be morose
But my misery is growing

You broke my heart
Causing coronary pain
And my life will now be desolate
For alone I will remain
You accuse me of hyperbole
You think I'm exaggerating
You say "Don't be so lugubrious
We weren't even dating!"

I don't want to be lachrymose
But you've got my tears flowing
I don't want to be morose
But my misery is growing

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "I Don't Want to be Lachrymose," you might also like The Everly Brothers.

Groups

When I see a group of people I wonder what kind of group it is

I see a group that’s so large that it can’t be ignored
(The group you’re looking at could be a horde)
I see another group plotting the government’s fall
(If I were you I’d call that group a cabal)
I see a group that inherited its social class
(That group is often described as a caste)

I see a group that stays together, with others they won’t speak
(That’s a group that you could call a clique)
What if I want another word for a clique I see
(The word you’re looking for is coterie)
If a group surrounds one person and does what he wants them to
(That is an entourage or a retinue)

Now when I see a group of people, I’m gonna know what kind of group it is

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Groups," you might also like the British Invasion.

Enervated

Enervated
Tired and deflated
Lost my energy

Enervated
Vigor has abated
Lost my energy

Some folks say “enervated”
When they mean “invigorated”
That mistake gives me fits
‘Cause those words are opposites

Enervated
Strength is dissipated
Lost my energy

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Enervated," you might also like Julie London.

End of Summer

Today’s the last day of summer vacation
Today marks summer’s termination
Tomorrow brings the school year’s inauguration

Today is one of the year’s saddest dates
Today’s the day that summer culminates
I’m trying to enjoy this last day of summer
But summer’s cessation is always a bummer

Tomorrow is the day that school will commence
My summer will be over as a consequence
It’s not that I mind the school year’s inception
But with the end of summer I must take exception

Coz when the school reopens summer fun will be missed
The onset of the school year means the summer must desist

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "End of Summer," you might also like girl group music.

Snakes on a Plane

If you like your movies cerebral
If you like to use your brain
Then you probably won't like the cinematic feature
That is known as Snakes on a Plane

'Cause Snakes on a Plane is a visceral flick
A thrill-fest of terror and pain
If that's your cup of tea then you should run out and see
Those Oedipal snakes on the Oedipal plane

Samuel L. Jackson is a man of action
From action he does not abstain
He's gonna kill those matriarch-copulating snakes
On that matriarch-copulating plane

Those snakes have Jackson so perturbed
For reasons that he clearly explains
He doesn't like their procreating via taboo mating
He's had it with those [bleep] snakes on the [bleep] plane!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

The Incredible Prefix In-

In- is the coolest prefix I’ve found
In- is a prefix that turns words around
No matter the direction a word is leaning
In- gives the word the opposite meaning

If you were active (you’d be jumping around)
But if you’re inactive (you’d just lie on the ground)
If you’re capable (there’s much you can do)
But if you’re incapable (the job’s not for you)

A path that’s direct (travels on a straight line)
But an indirect path (it just wiggles and winds)
Food is edible (but don’t eat too quick)
But rocks are inedible (they’ll make you sick)

There’s so much you can say every time you begin
A word with the incredible prefix in-

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Incredible Prefix In;-," you might also like the early Beatles recordings.

The Santa Song

At the top of the world in the frigid North
Lives a fellow most dependable
Every year he distributes toys
To those whose behavior is commendable

His name is Santa and he works all year
To manufacture toys
His workshop's staffed by tiny elves
Diminutive workers he employs

On Christmas Eve Santa loads his toys
In the cargo hold of his sleigh
He exhorts his reindeer to get to work
And he and the reindeer fly away

Now, Santa Claus is a great big man
His belly is tumescent
His reindeer Rudolph has a crimson nose
Which also happens to be luminescent

If you're doubtful that this story's true
You might have a good reason
But regardless of what you believe
Have a joyous Yuletide season

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

Happy Holidays

If you want to wish someone a happy holiday
Here's how you can do it in a brand new way
You'll spread a little universal mirth and glee
Bringing joy to the world in perfect harmony

Have a festive Festival of Light (Happy Hanukkah is what you're sayin')
May you have a jubilant Yuletide (Have a Merry Christmas eve and day and)
Hope you have a jovial Kwanzaa, happy as can be
And my New Year bring good tidings, meaning better news for you and me!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Happy Holidays," you might also like The Beach Boys.

Bi- and Tri-

Bi- means two and tri- means three
And that’s just the way that it ought to be

A biweekly magazine comes every two weeks
A bilingual person two languages can speak
When you bisect something, you cut it in half
When I think about it, somehow it makes me laugh

A tricycle has three wheels to take you down the street
A tripod is a stand that has three feet
A triceratops is a three-horned dinosaur
When I think about it, it makes me laugh some more

Bi- means two and tri- means three
And that’s just the way that it ought to be

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Bi- and Tri-," you might also like Doc Watson.

The Pleasing Song

You may be a stubborn guy
With little social skill
Or you could be agreeable
And earn your friends’ goodwill

When you appease
You aim to please
By giving into somebody’s demands

When you allay
You make fear go away
By saying soothing words or simply holding someone’s hand

When you assuage
You reduce pain and rage
And help replace it with a soothing calm

If it’s peace that you desire
These are skills you should acquire
Think of how much they have helped your dad and mom!

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "The Pleasing Song," you might also like Johnny Cash.

Amor is the Root of Love

Amor is the root of love, don’t you know amor is the root of love

Four little letters A M O R,
When you’re describing love they can take you far
If you’ve got a loving feeling you want to discuss
Just say that you are feeling amorous

Amor is the root of love, I’m telling you amor is the root of love

When you’re enamored of a boy or a girl
You love them more than anyone in the world
And if you’ve got a secret lover you can be sure
That person’s known as your paramour

Amor is the root of love, don’t you know amor is the root of love

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Amor is the Root of Love," you might also like Motown.

Hectic Day

It’s a hectic day
I’m as busy as a bee
I’m sprinting around like a fox and a hound
You could say I’m acting frantically
I’ve got more jobs to do than I have time to do ‘em
That’s the reason for my urgency
And if I don’t get ‘em done there’ll be no time for fun
So it’s sort of an emergency

Well, I’ve got homework and chores and a day of school before
That’s a pretty full slate
And I’m starting to sprint ‘coz I know if I walk
I will be running late
If I act a little frantic it’s because I’m worried
That something might get in my way
And then I wouldn’t get time to have any fun
On this very, very hectic day

It’s a hectic day
I’m as busy as a bee

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Hectic Day," you might also like Buck Owens.

Tempo

The tempo of a song is the speed at which it’s played
It helps to add the rhythm to the rhyme
And tempo comes from Latin as so many words do
When a Roman said tempus she was talking ‘bout time
When a Roman said tempus she was talking ‘bout time

When you speak of something that is happening now
You can say that it’s contemporary
What happened in the past occurred in bygone days
You could say that those two words are quite contrary
I’m talking about bygone and contemporary

Nothing lasts forever, that’s sad but true
You could say that everything is temporary
The world exists in time, it’s a temporal place
I wouldn’t blame you if you found the thought a little scary
That’s why the Bible tells us to ‘eat drink and be merry’

The tempo of a song is the speed at which it’s played
It helps to add the rhythm to the rhyme
And tempo comes from Latin as so many words do
When a Roman said tempus she was talking ‘bout time
When a Roman said tempus she was talking ‘bout time

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

House Party

There are so many ways to say “I invite you to my home”

Please accept this solicitation
To visit my accommodations
For it would surely make me smile
To see you in my domicile
This supplication is bestowed
Please take a load off at my abode

There are so many ways to say “I invite you to my home”

Verily to you I do extend a
Welcome to my hacienda
No, there is no fence around my residence
So come to the dance at my manse
You won’t get the heave-ho at my chateau
Oh no

There are so many ways to say “I invite you to my home”

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "House Party," you might also like Parliament-Funkadelic.

Be Cool

If you're rude and stubborn
Then you should not be surprised
To find that people shun you
And that you are ostracized
So my advice to you is

Don't be argumentative
Don't always go looking for a fight
Don't be so obstinate
Accept that you aren't always right
Have a little empathy
See things from another's point of view
Be willing to compromise
Meet people halfway and that's where they'll meet you

Be cool man, cool man, cool man--be a decent fellow
Be cool man, cool man, cool man--take it easy and mellow
Be cool man, cool man, cool man--be more copasetic
Be cool man, cool man, cool man--do not be pathetic

by Tom Meltzer ©The Princeton Review

If you like "Be Cool," you might also like Rock Steady music.